Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
LA’s #1 avant-garde personal development program. I'm Emerson Dameron. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
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Regularly scheduled episodes premiere on the first Wednesday of the month on KCHUNG Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
Matthew Fills In
CW: Depression, suicidal ideation, abuse, murder, self-pity, rambling
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is a production of KCHUNG.
Music from Visions of the Universe. Inspiration from Daphne du Maurier and Alfred Hitchcock.
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Speaker 1:Normally this is the time for Emerson Dameron's medicated minutes, but I am not Emerson Dameron. I don't even really know the guy. He's not really my friend. He's like an LA friend, an acquaintance, somebody that occasionally asks me for favors and he asks me to fill in on the show. So that's what I'm doing. I dropped into the 60s in Venice Beach this week, so I think that qualifies as an emergency in his world. I also heard he's going through a gnarly divorce, which is shocking. A handful of Klonopin and a couple of fat rails of ketamine should get him back on his feet. I should not talk like this. This is not who I am. I'm not a hater at heart.
Speaker 1:I've changed so much just in the last few years. I'm still a work in progress. I'm working on it. Bear with me. My name is Matthew Andrew Xavier. Last name here Gonna, leave that out right now. Give myself a little bit of plausible deniability Possibly implausible deniability, but I'm going to need that where we're going Because I've got a story to tell and I've had a weird last few years. I know that we all have, collectively. I've had some experiences that I would like to share. Take this opportunity to do that. I also leave out my last name, because you probably know who I am To the extent that my identity can be linked to my birth certificate, my driver's license, my fingerprints, my DNA, etc.
Speaker 1:I feel like I've become a very different individual just quite recently. I've gone through some epic transformations in my life, but none of them quite as profound as the one that I've gone through over the last few years. But if you heard the name, you would probably recognize it, because I used to be somebody. I was somebody for a while. For quite a while, all I had to do was exist and I enjoyed all kinds of power and privilege just from the status that had accrued to me, seemingly blessed time in my life when it didn't matter what I did, because of who I was. I could do pretty much anything and it was gonna succeed, and I was the envy of a lot of folks. I was surrounded by all kinds of people. I felt like I had connections. I felt like I was somebody. I've changed my view on some of that and I think in retrospect, even at the time, it was quite empty and dissatisfying and I don't know what you've been up to over the last few years. I know it's been a dramatic time full of upheaval for a lot of us. I know that's ongoing.
Speaker 1:About three years ago, in March of 2019, I almost tried to kill myself. I was standing on a freeway overpass near my old old neighborhood just west of downtown in Westlake. I was very close to jumping and that's how I met my girlfriend. I was standing there on the bridge, my shaggy hair blowing in the breeze, the sun shining down, it was about 75 degrees, it was a beautiful day in LA and for as long as I could remember, I had been racked, tortured and utterly defined by an all-consuming grief.
Speaker 1:And there is no way to do justice to grief through description. I think people use it to describe all kinds of different things, because grief is every emotion at once. It is the black on the color palette of emotions. Black on the color palette of emotions. It is so much, so densely packed, so difficult to express. It recontextualizes everything about your experience. It reshuffles your memories. You're not thinking about the future, you're present, focused in the most painful possible way.
Speaker 1:It was torture. It was wrecking my insides and it had been for as long as I could remember, which on the calendar had not been that long that I'd been this deep in it. But it changed who I was inside of. That overwhelming grief was the only person that I had ever been and could possibly conceive of myself as being. It was unbelievably painful. There was no rest, there was no diversion, no pleasure, no catharsis. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating. I was wasting away, physically, psychologically, spiritually, just a withering husk of a man, and I did not see any end to it. I could not imagine any release, any grace coming my way and I'd been going through my life in some ways, much as before, feeling every emotion at once all the time, and feeling very, very guilty, because I felt like this was self-inflicted. I felt responsible for getting myself here. I could only see my life as this line of dominoes that led right to this horrific moment that I was stuck in and I was in so much pain and carrying so much weight. Pain and carrying so much weight, nevertheless surrounded by people, well-wishers, connections, la, friends Even though I was being a prick, I was a jerk, I was a punk, I was not a nice person.
Speaker 1:I don't think I was fun to be around in the way that fun is traditionally understood. I was snippy and short with people and just a jerk and just a jerk, and some people are not put off by that. Women in particular are not necessarily gonna ditch you because of acting like that. Not every woman is into that kind of behavior, but the ones who are really are. And I also had the advantage of having been previously pre-selected by one of the most brainy, beautiful, well-bred women that I've ever known in my life, and all of my LA friends knew her too, and the fact that I was good enough for her made me good enough for anyone. So I was getting a lot of attention from women and I was not enjoying one second of it. I was disgusted with myself and I was disgusted with anyone who would not be disgusted with me and anyone who was turned on by this gestalt that I developed. That was very confusing to me. It was gross but also just weird, and I was getting all kinds of women coming on to me and I just wanted nothing to do with it and I was.
Speaker 1:The pain was not letting up, nothing was making this easier to deal with and I just didn't want to go on. I didn't see things getting any better. I couldn't imagine them getting any worse, and yet they seem to get worse constantly, consistently, all of the time, and I just wanted the pain to stop. And that's how I ended up on that bridge and I think I was really going to jump. I don't think I was messing around. Was that close and right at the moment when I realized I'm about to do something I can't take back, and I think that's okay, a woman called out to me and said what the hell are you doing? But in this kind of teasing, flirting way that honestly, I didn't know how to feel about it. But it broke the trance that I was in and I did not jump. I told her to get lost, which she did. She kept walking and got on with her life that day, and I did too. I went and had a cup of coffee that I couldn't taste and ordered a breakfast burrito that I couldn't taste and ordered a breakfast burrito that I couldn't taste but that gave me enough physical energy to get home to the house that I lived in in Chinatown on Savoy at the time.
Speaker 1:That was the house that my ex-wife, rebecca, and I had lived in for a number of years leading up to this juncture, and it was party central. That house was the place to be. All of my friends would hang out there. It was kind of just a rolling, wing-ding get-together kind of thing. It was chill. Some people drank, but not too much. There were some good drugs, but nobody made too much of a scene. Everybody was too busy making the scene because that place was the scene. That was the place to be. Everybody there was doing stuff. They had cool things going on. It was people you wanted to know. It was fun, it was cool and the scene very much revolved around Rebecca. Rebecca was the scene. She was the heart of this creative community that had developed around us and pretty much anyone that got into Rebecca's orbit was guaranteed to have some success in whatever they were doing.
Speaker 1:All kinds of people from different parts of the city that were engaged in different pursuits, that had different projects going on, would end up at this rolling party that we had going on at the house in Chinatown, and that would be a before and after experience, for a lot of things came out of that world. A lot of projects were launched, a lot of people got a huge advantage in their careers or switched careers and started new ones. People from out of town came to see people that lived in LA and those people would take them to hang out at the house and one thing would lead to another and people would end up in the business doing big things, and I honestly think my ex-wife, rebecca, gets most of the credit for that. Rebecca was a connector. She knew whom to introduce to whom to get the sparks flying. I think relationships came out of there A marriage or two, a couple of kids. I think there's one still on the way from a couple that hooked up at one of those soirees, salons that were always going on in the house in Chinatown.
Speaker 1:That's how I met some of the K-Chung folks. I think Emerson was there a couple of times. That's where I originally met him. I know McCall was there. Kern would hang out a few times. I don't know if George Jensen was ever actually there. I know his name came up a lot Like he would RSVP, and a lot of people would be like is George Jensen here? No, I think he's. He's going to swing by later, but I can't say that I ever actually met him. But I know he was there. He was definitely part of that network and I had that network for support which I think kept me alive when the grief was at its worst and the sexual opportunities, as I mentioned, were abundant.
Speaker 1:After everything that happened, the grief did not stop the ladies from wanting to get to know me. I think some of that was just. They wanted the reflected glory of Rebecca, which who didn't? It changed your life in all sorts of ways that you could not predict, that were fractal in nature, and you would experience success beyond what you would have dared hope for, whether you wanted to or not, just by landing in the same room with Rebecca. The scene continued, the rolling party continued after she was gone. But I don't think, of course, it wasn't the same. It was different. It changed. We had all changed. We were all different people and I think me being close to the center of that. I got a lot of attention, I got a lot of support, I got a lot of favors. People did things for me. It was all very helpful and I didn't feel a thing. I didn't feel grateful, I didn't feel like I was even there.
Speaker 1:But that's the second time that I encountered my girlfriend. She came by one evening when we were hanging around watching some art films, doing some art projects. She was there and she recognized me from the bridge and had recognized me when I was on the bridge from my stand-up. That I did years and years ago and we got to know each other a little bit better at the party, as people do. It's the kind of environment where that happens and she was.
Speaker 1:She was real Like. She was cool but in a real way Genuine, earthy, soulful, very funny, like funny in a way that I hadn't been exposed to in a long time. She had known me from stand-up. I think she'd seen me at open mics. She was doing stand-up too at the time. I don't remember her. I saw hundreds, maybe thousands of people do stand up when I was doing open mics, so it's not too unusual that I didn't remember her specifically.
Speaker 1:But we had that as a pretext to get talking and she didn't mention to any of my other friends that she'd seen me on the bridge, which that was nice. She didn't tool me out, didn't let them know that she'd seen me at that low a point. I think that would have been unnerving for them. I think they knew I was going through a hard time, but they probably didn't know how bad it was. I had concealed that from them.
Speaker 1:I was not dealing with it myself, I was barely even there. I was barely even there and it was refreshing to talk to this person that seemed to be from the real world. She was doing some acting and still involved with some comedy stuff, but she also had a real job and had ties to the civilian world outside of the business, outside of the Hollywood bubble, and that was refreshing. She brought her own flavor to these get togethers and she started showing up pretty regularly and we would always hang out and talk and I think I was kind of a prick to her, as I was kind of a prick to everyone at the time, and she seemed to find it amusing. She would push back a little bit and tease me and it was fun. There was some friction, there was some give and take. I had not had that for a while.
Speaker 1:People had been treating me delicately because of my grief and because of the state I was in, and it was refreshing to have somebody around who was maybe not with it in the way that my other friends are and maybe was just a little uncouth, just naturally. But it worked and we obviously really enjoyed each other's company as much as I was capable of enjoying anything. She seemed to be really into me. I was getting the sign she was playing with her hair, crossing and uncrossing her legs, etc. And it was a new flavor. It was a new experience that I hadn't really had in my life and I was digging that I was enjoying it on some level. That felt largely theoretical because I was still just not there. I was lost. I was physically existing but not alive. But I guess I was alive enough and the kind of prickly jerkishness that was substituting for my personality was entertaining enough that we ended up hooking up and we ended up dating and kind of had what could be described, and possibly observed from the outside, as a whirlwind romance. I just wish I had been there for any of it. I just wish I had been there for any of it.
Speaker 1:Hanging out with people has a different texture when your life is utterly defined by grief. I was still doing it. I always had people around. It's just how I was living at the time. I was terrified to be alone. I did not want to be isolated with my own thoughts. I didn't know what the possible consequences of that could be. I tried it a few times and the last time I tried it I almost jumped off of a bridge. So I knew that it was in my interests to have people around and I had a lot of people that wanted to be around.
Speaker 1:People wanted to keep that scene going and even though that party had been completely redefined scene going and even though that party had been completely redefined, it was still going. People wanted to be there, people wanted to be part of it and people wanted to make sure that I got through this and helped me out in all kinds of ways. They made sure that I was healthy. I was healthy enough, not completely incapacitated, functional, I guess is what we were going for, which seemed doable under the circumstances, possibly the most ambitious that we could realistically hope to be. The people helped. They made sure that the succulents were watered, that the baseboards in the house were properly scrubbed, that everything that could be automated was automated and that everything that needed to be maintained was properly maintained and people were around to wish me well. I got meals cooked for me. They would usually sit in Tupperware containers in the fridge uneaten until I had to throw them away. I only ate as much as I needed to not start hallucinating which some days I could get by on peanut butter and a banana. People made sure I was drinking water. I did stay properly hydrated. I probably owe my survival through that time to the people that made sure that that was happening, and I wish I had been grateful. I did express gratitude to people and I did them favors in return, as I was able which I was able to do favors for people.
Speaker 1:I kind of related a lot at that time to Dougie Jones from Twin Peaks, the Return. The character played by Kyle McLaughlin, who lives in Las Vegas and from what I can see which I'm sure is informed by my own perspective was experiencing something like the kind of overwhelming depression that I was. He was frozen. He could only communicate by mumbling. He was basically a life-size cardboard cutout, being ushered through his life by people who cared for him, people that wondered what the hell was wrong with Dougie. But in a loving way and much like Dougie Jones, I could not stop winning.
Speaker 1:Everything that I got involved with was a success. Every time I bought a scratch-off ticket from the convenience store of life, I hit the lottery just over and over and over again. If somebody did me a favor, gave me a ride or made sure I was properly hydrated that day, I could make that person's career without even really trying. I could just give them a connection or an opportunity that would completely change everything for that person. And it had been like this for me, for For a hot minute I had just been a King Midas kind of character, even though I was not really any more than functional. I was a barely animated corpse. I was not kind to people. I was very much obnoxious and unhappy, but I was winning and I couldn't stop, even if I tried. I tried to jump off of a bridge just to end my own winning streak, and that turned into a whirlwind romance. That is how my life was at the time.
Speaker 1:Most of the hard work that I have done in my life was front-loaded. I worked very hard when I moved to LA to make a name for myself and get eyes on my stuff. I was grinding for a few years, working very hard, taking no breaks. The only vacation time I took was when I was traveling. I was very busy and pretty happy because I was enjoying what I was doing, but it was hard work and I had no reason to expect that things were going to turn out in my favor. After I met Rebecca, I stopped doing things and started being somebody. I don't even know what I've done in LA for the last few years. I've had tons of executive producer credits.
Speaker 1:I've been involved in many different projects, mostly just by being in the room or coming up with the idea on a list of 10 ideas, all of which ended up making money and making people's careers and changing their lives Both people who are working on it and people that experienced the results of that work. The results of that work Lives were transformed, important ideas got out into the world, stories were told that made people laugh and cry and think, and it was just all happening whenever I was around, just like magic. Whenever I was around, just like magic, I didn't have to do anything because I was somebody, and I think a lot of that I owe to Rebecca. Rebecca was the queen of the somebodies. I don't know. I don't even know if Rebecca has an INDB page. I want to say she doesn't. There's one that I think is for somebody of the same name. That kind of tapers off around 2015.
Speaker 1:Rebecca was just that powerful. She made things happen. Things happened automatically whenever she got involved and she didn't really have to do anything. And the same thing happened to me when I got in her world. I became somebody and everything I touched turned into a massive success and everyone I met wanted to be me or wanted to sleep with me, or their life changed because of the experience of having met me and quote-unquote worked with me, even though we were really just sitting around BSing and smoking a joint. We didn't even have to do a lot of work. It was fun. It started as fun for a living and then I had so much money that I didn't even have to worry about making any more money. But it was just happening anyway and everything I did was a massive success and I hated every second of it.
Speaker 1:I was. I wish I had been disgusting. I wish I had been able to feel anything. I didn't feel anything because I couldn't feel anything. I was thoroughly dead inside, just wracked with grief and guilt, and not there for my own existence. And my girlfriend God bless her was not going to let that stop her from trying to get me back in the game. She was the only person who knew how low I was. She was the only person that had the courage to push back and tease me and have pushed my buttons and get me a little bit riled up, but in a way that was playful and flirty and hot and fun in theory, and I wish I'd been there for it. Like I said, I was just not present, but she was present and that was not nothing. She was very much there and she felt like a lifeline, like she showed me that, like she showed me that experience was still possible and I felt like, for the first time in a long time, I could imagine a life where I could feel and do things again, and I didn't really believe it. I would wake up from that daydream and I would be back here in hell at full blast of the flames and numb and dead inside again and back where I was, but every time that I would break out just a little bit and a little bit of light would come through the cracks. It would be my girlfriend shining the flashlight and it would wake me up just a little bit, just for a moment. And she was just that kind of person. She liked to stir the pot. She was funny.
Speaker 1:Often at risk of being inappropriate, I too would err a little bit on the side of being a little rude when that's what it took to liven things up. And my friends did not like her at all, like some of them were passive-aggressive and kind of tried to hide it, and she got backhanded compliments when she did something funny or wacky and your people would humor her when she went into her anecdotes that kind of went nowhere but I enjoyed them anyway. But a lot of people would just start talking about something else midstream while she was talking. And I did not hear a lot of nice things about her when she was not in the room. When she went home early because she had to work the next day, people would talk a whole lot of smack about her, to me, to each other. She was not well well liked on our scene, which kind of made me like her even more because this was new.
Speaker 1:This broke the pattern that my life had become, have come and I would have been excited had I been capable of it. But it was that promise of feeling excitement and improv-ing the way that she did and kind of leaning into her edge the way that she did. Seeing her do that feeling, the way that she cared for me, even just a little bit, gave me some hope and I realized that what I needed was something that broke the pattern. I don't know if I mentioned that my ex-wife, rebecca, is dead. Yeah, it doesn't really feel real to me either. Even now it feels weird to say it Like I still, up until very recently, would refer to her in the present tense and she still feels like a presence or at least an absence. And she really felt like an absence in that world that I was in in the house in Chinatown with the rolling parties where everybody would get together and the sparks would fly. And the sparks continued to fly after she was gone. But it was almost like that was the manifestation of the grief that we felt and would never have happened in the first place had she not been around.
Speaker 1:That whole world existed because of her and her magical powers that she had. I mean, it's hard to talk about her without sounding completely ridiculous. I think I was very much in love with her. I think we all were, collectively and individually. Everybody was, yeah, your life wasn't the same after you encountered her. She was the scene. She was the scene. She was absolutely gorgeous, just sexy and seductive, and beautiful and cute somehow at the same time. She was this gem that would reflect different colors depending on the angle of the light that hit, but always so beautiful and seductive. Wow, whenever you got into a conversation with Rebecca, it was just you and her and the other people in the conversation in that world. There was a world outside, but it only existed so that you could exchange witty repartee about it. Everything was in that world and everything was her. She really was that world. A lot of interesting people hung out, people that were pretty cool in their own right, a lot of names that you'd probably be familiar with, I think a few that you're about to.
Speaker 1:I got a couple of friends from that world that are going to break out pretty big this year, or so I've been told, and have reason to believe, and I think the reason people like to be around Rebecca, so much is that when you were in her orbit you didn't really have to do anything. You became so much of that world that you could relax and I knew, as her husband, that I had serious competition. I mean, we were not monogamous. Monogamy exists because it was invented to stop peasant revolts and it's not natural for humans to be monogamous, so we didn't even really try to do that. So it wasn't that that I was worried about. There were other men in the world that we lived in that definitely wanted to get closer to her than they were and saw me as a, as a block to that, a meme. Lord mitch, the guy with the red pants, was always trying to get in with rebecca and with Rebecca and I don't. It's weird.
Speaker 1:I hate meme lord Mitch and I know that doesn't necessarily say anything good about me. I know that when I hate somebody it's psychological projection and it's my own qualities that I am scapegoating that person for having projected my own shortcomings and moral failings and whatever qualities I just happen to be annoyed by in my own psyche. I perceive them in that person and ideally I can step back and reflect and take the opportunity for introspection and growth and realize that this is all inside of me and this is my business to deal with and I don't need to drag other people into it. But I really never wanted anything good to happen for Meme Lord Mitch. I was just shallow in this way that I found completely without charm, like just fake saccharin, just a sleazy MF that I did not like, who obviously wanted Rebecca for himself, and that was the reality of being married to someone that has so many desirable qualities and became the center of gravity anytime she came into the room.
Speaker 1:You end up dealing with guys like Meme Lord Mitch and of course it was worth it and I didn't even necessarily have a bad time with the guy. Like we could joke around about pop culture garbage, which was the level that he was on in terms of what he wanted to talk about and the work that he did was all this kind of I think he's really into NFTs right now that kind of guy. I wasn't overjoyed that he was part of that world, but it made sense because everybody wanted to be around Rebecca and cool people would be cool about it. Shameless people would be shameless about it and it was what it was. That's who I was and who we were, and that was the world we lived in. And she was Rebecca, and she was beautiful and brilliant and she drowned. It was an accident. She drowned and now she's dead, and that world spins on somehow, even though she's gone, and I will not be the same and I will always love her.
Speaker 1:You know what? Actually, a lot of what I said is not true and never was, even though for a long time I really wanted it to be. I was highly incentivized to pretend that it was true, and I was lied to and betrayed so profoundly and repeatedly so many times that I completely gave up on trusting my own judgment. My own sense of reality was completely askew and I really wanted to continue to love this person that I'd fallen in love with. But the truth is, rebecca was awful objectively. I now follow some Instagram accounts and I've watched a lot of TikToks about covert narcissism and borderline personality disorder.
Speaker 1:I don't think that quite covers what Rebecca was about. She was cruel for the sake of being cruel. She created the most beautiful illusions that you could possibly imagine for the sake of shattering them and ruining people's lives for fun. She had everything that she could have possibly wanted, with more, always rolling in. The only thing I guess that she lacked was this chance to work out her deeply hardwired sadism, and she took it out on me Right from the beginning. Everything she said was a lie and she would put more lies on top of that. And it sounded true, but it turned out not to be. And it was all to keep me off balance and humiliate me so that I would know deep down that who I pretended to be and who people thought I was was not at all who I was and that it was something that she could shatter right in front of me just for fun, anytime she wanted to, anytime she wanted to. And she made it clear that to get on her bad side for me would be to lose everything. I would lose my career, I would be broke. I would lose all of my friends, our friends who were actually her friends and were just as awful as she was. Just a wretched group of shallow, narcissistic, full of crap, liar people, just the worst. And this was my whole world. These were the only people I knew. She would cut off anything else that came into my life.
Speaker 1:I mentioned that we were not monogamous, which is not in and of itself a problem, but she would ruin any other relationships that I had and lie to me about hers. Cheating in a non-monogamous relationship just means violating the agreements that you've made with another person, and we had agreements that at first I assumed were tacit and when it seemed like we might not be on the same page, might not be on the same page, I brought it up and we talked about it and we agreed to our agreements and I am working hard to own 100% of my 50% of what would have been needed to deal with the horrifying, soul-sucking mess that she had made of of my life, and I guess in retrospect I could should have just walked out. I don't know why that didn't feel like an option. I want to say I was noble, I really wanted to make it work. I was probably more just afraid of being alone. I'm not good at being alone, I own that. But it just got worse and worse. We were together for a number of years and each day was twice as awful as the previous and more daggers would fly into my world and more awful surprises would completely wreck me psychologically in ways that I can't even describe. So I was dead inside way before she died and I.
Speaker 1:It wasn't, strictly speaking, speaking, an accident. Rebecca told me that she had exposed me to a new venereal disease that was circulating among the Hollywood elite and she had got it from meme lord Mitch because of course, and now had got it from Meme Lord Mitch because of course, and now I had it. And that was that. And she laughed, she thought it was funny, and I went into a fugue state and I'd like to say that had you been in my place you would understand. I never claim to be a radical feminist and I don't expect to get the same kind of dispensation that would go to the Thelmas and Louises of the world.
Speaker 1:And I don't even really remember what happened. I went into a fugue state. I remember taking a boat out into the Pacific Ocean. I remember coming back on a life raft alone and I remember going to the morgue in downtown LA and identifying the body of an unknown woman who was not at any realistic expectation of being identified by anyone else. I told them that's my wife, rebecca, and that's what I've been living with. I should have just left. There were so many times I should have just left and then after that I can't tell anybody about this I was. That's why I was dead inside. I was an awful person. I'd done a terrible thing. I felt deep, genuine guilt and remorse.
Speaker 1:And now I was in this relationship with this other person, my girlfriend, who was all about keeping it real, and it turned out that she was not doing well. I wasn't the most observant person in that relationship in its early days I totally own that. I didn't realize how badly she was taking the bullying and the backhanded compliments from the group, but she wasn't taking them well and she shared my tendency to occasionally go into fugue states and she at one point was where I was, where I had been sometime beforehand, on that same bridge, on the 110 overpass downtown, on that same bridge, on the 110 overpass downtown, ready to throw herself into oncoming traffic because I guess she'd taken on all of this bad juju from me and there was nothing I could do about it because I couldn't talk to anyone. And a lot of things happened in very quick succession. Rebecca's body was found in the Pacific Ocean and identified as such and I just told my girlfriend everything. She was the first person and you're the second that know all of this, the last part of this story, and she said she didn't know what to make of this. She would have to think about it. And it lit a fire in her and it lit a fire in me. I caught fire and it burned so hot and so bright and we decided that we were going to have a new life, make a new world for ourselves, and she was going to help me get away with murder.
Speaker 1:And fortunately, right around that time is when COVID hit. So the LAPD had been sniffing around for a while wondering what was really going on. I hadn't really thought about it because I wasn't really thinking about much of anything. But when the body appeared they investigated me for murder and I worked very closely with my girlfriend to get us out. Meme Lord Mitch failed in his ham-handed attempt to blackmail us and we got out of LA. This is the first time I've been back since and I plan to leave immediately at the conclusion of this show because my home is where my girlfriend is. Because, conspiring to get away with murder, I don't recommend it. But it's unbelievably erotic and it revealed dimensions in this woman that were spellbinding to me. And the sex has been off the hook is an understatement and I want to get back to that and I'm sorry that I killed my wife. I've done a lot of work on myself since then and I can honestly say it was a one-time thing, but I'm so glad to be free and if you're in an abusive relationship, get out however you can before it gets too bad and burn your old world down. My name is Matthew Andrew Xavier, last name here, not going to say it, perhaps I have already said too much it perhaps I have already said too much.
Speaker 1:Emerson Dameron will be back next month for Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes. If you see him, please don't tell him that I used his time slot to confess to a murder. I doubt he's going to listen to this. He only listens to podcasts if he is the host and also the subject, so probably don't have to worry about that. But if you see him, just keep it between us. I would do it for you. This is K-Chung, los Angeles 1630 AM. Kchungradioorg. Medicated-minutescom. Levity saves lives. Music is from Visions of the Universe. Everything else is not by Emerson Dameron, who is not responsible for any of its content. This is K Chung, thank you. At first I thought this was seriously a setup. She seemed really into it. Then I thought maybe she loved taking my discipline and also was using sex for power. I don't know if that blew my mind, but it blew something Steamy, dreamy and way too hot for radio Crimson Transgressions. A bite-sized erotic thriller by Emerson Dameron. Find it before it finds you.
