Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
LA’s #1 avant-garde personal development program. I'm Emerson Dameron. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
The home of Ask a Sadist, Bite-Sized Erotic Thrillers, and the First Church of the Satanic Buddha. Levity saves lives.
Regularly scheduled episodes premiere on the first Wednesday of the month on KCHUNG Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
The Ambivalent Liminal Rebellion
Throw off the shackles of strict self-definition! Feel the fluid flow! Discover the insights and epiphanies that await you in the blue soup of the liminal.
Includes a round of Ask a Sadist, a sermon from The People of the Screaming Release, and an apology for the inappropriate use of the Metta Bomb.
Produced, written, and performed by Emerson Dameron. Music by Emerson Dameron, except for the Ask a Sadist loop by the inimitable Chris Rogers.
Levity saves lives.
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Coming Soon! Sophistication Nation: Brief Interviews with Women I Pretend to Understand: https://emersondameron.hearnow.com/
Breathe in, breathe out, awareness, rest, circle of life, union of opposites, that big sexy Ouroboros of destiny. You can have it all. Try your Focus and Sleep Starter Kit from Magic Mind at 45% off for listeners to Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes if you go to magicmindcom, slash Emerson Jan, e-m-e-r-s-o-n-j-a-n. Focus, sleep repeat. Magic Mind, proud sponsor of LA's number one avant-garde personal development program, emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes already in progress. You did it. They begged you not to do it, they cautioned you against it and you did it anyway.
Speaker 1:You messed with Mr Inbetween and now you are stuck in the inbetween space, neither light nor dark, day nor night, human or god or idea, not fluid, the gelatinous goo, neither here nor there, which means it could be somewhere. But you get the feeling it may not be worth the trouble to figure out where that is. You're here now, in the Blue Lagoon of the Liminal. What are you going to do with this time? You have all the freedom that comes through, not total obscurity, because one of the things about liminality is it's hard to shake that feeling that you're being observed. Maybe it's because we've been made to feel so bad about loitering. What are you gonna do? Been made to feel so bad about loitering. What are you gonna do with this time, with this space, with this haunted feeling, nod by wild jitters?
Speaker 1:Adrift, not lost, exactly, maybe temporarily. Most people don't get lost Permanently. Most people don't get lost permanently. These could be lost times, neither of this nor that epoch, unsupportive of many artists. The bad luck to come along and there's no tide to ride on. Or it could be the place of epiphanies, revelations, mindful masturbation. Welcome to the liminal. Throw down six of one and half a dozen of the other and you win and lose coming and going.
Speaker 1:This is Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, la's number one avant-garde personal development program. My name is Emerson Dameron. I am the producer, writer, host etc. Of the show Levity Saves Lives. I love you personally. Medicated-minutescom is the URL. You probably don't go to websites very much. You probably go straight to wherever you cop your casts. You can get the podcast pretty much anywhere.
Speaker 1:It's kind of a liminal show. It has a liminal quality to it. We have an intense and graphic, often prurient parasocial relationship going on but that requires a degree of suspension, of disbelief ability and willingness to get lost together in the vast gulf between our real lives. Don't worry, my avoidant personality means I'll never get close enough to let you down. But K-Chung, k-chung, los Angeles 1630 AM. Kchungradioorg the base station for Emerson to Emerson's Medicated Minute, although it has been accused of being a liminal radio station, that is far from the case. K-chung is very real. It's been out in the community at MoCA They've got the little K-Chung mini barn with DJs, with people talking other rituals that you really need to see to believe, that you really need to see to believe. K-chung had some equipment ganked. Recently Somebody stole a bunch of equipment. So K-Chung is a very real, tangible thing and it needs your support. Kchungradioorg slash donate. If you support this show, give money to K-Chung. If you hate this show, give money to K-Chung. Tell them to cancel it. What am I going to do? It's your prerogative. You vote with your dollars and you're voting for K-Chung. I'm not going to ask you again. Just give your money to K-Chung. I'm not going to ask you again. Just give your money to K-Chung and be done with it. Get on with your day. Do it now. The likelihood decreases. If you have a good idea and you don't execute that, you will do it. So give some change to K-Chung and I'll catch you on the flip side. Emerson Dameron's Medicaid Advantage you missed out if you weren't around for the heyday of a limbo society, the secret club finding perverse, beautiful ways to navigate the liminality, the in-between space, the soup we float around on floaties between here and there.
Speaker 1:The Limbo Society talked a big game and they had to. To not talk a big game would be to lie by omission. There's a big game going on and they had a responsibility to let people know so that they could either show up for those shindigs, those soirees wingdings, or feel bad about missing out. A lot of liminality is about fear of missing out. I'm here in this between space. What are those people over there doing? How about those people over there? How about those people over there? Are they in conversation with each other? Why are they not including me? I'm standing right here, just bring me in, don't make me ask. Nobody likes meatiness.
Speaker 1:The Limbo Society had no problem with the liminal space. They were happy to be there, not in a hurry to here or there, to here or there, because the fluidity, the lack of rigid definitions, identities in the liminal space May possible forms of decadence, depravity. It catalyzed libertines in ways that are too pleasurable to talk about. All bets were off, the game was on and everybody Took a W and an L and got tied Tied up At the limbo society. Parties, salons, you could call them. Yes, it was Sex Orgies, all sorts of stuff going on, but also very cerebral, like they, finally on, but also very cerebral. They finally made sex an intellectual pursuit, really good. Ambient music too. I didn't know ambient music could be hot, but I know now. I think, or I assume or I sense I feel it doesn't matter. This is a limbo baby. There's a reason they call it that You're listening to Ask a Sadist Q&A with you and I, although I would put myself first although I have escaped the prison of conventional morality, I have not yet freed myself from the tyranny of grammar.
Speaker 1:I will show you how to put yourself first. I am a sadist with a heart of rugged gold. I like to hurt people in the ways that most help them, and it means the world to me. When you let me be mean to you, dear sadist, I'm worried about my partner's fantasies that involve some unusual scenarios. I'm worried about my partner's fantasies that involve some unusual scenarios. How can I communicate my concerns without judgment and explore our sexual boundaries in a healthy way? You left a lot of blanks for me to fill in. I thank you for my imaginations much wilder, more decadent, more colorful and providing of more satisfying experiences to me than any of your anecdotes. If you didn't say what your partner is fantasizing about because you thought I would judge you for being insufficiently libertine, don't worry, I have a rather jaundiced view of human nature and people rarely let me down by failing to live up to my expectations. Of course, I would advise you to explore these fantasies with your partner.
Speaker 1:Work on and break through. Let go of Resistance in your mind prevents you from breaking through the gates that corral your animal lusts and acknowledging that the true purpose of life is seeking pleasure in all its myriad and manifold forms and exploring the true nature of desire. You don't know your limits until you've bumped into them. From a practical standpoint, one thing you can do with a partner if you're exploring your kinks is to make yes, no, maybe lists and exchange some of your yeses for your partner's maybes, and vice versa. If you like fisting and they like golden showers, try both. One of you might change your mind, especially if you've never tried these things before.
Speaker 1:Speak to your partner in the language that they understand. If you want to spend the rest of your life feeling aggrieved and misunderstood, say what's on your mind exactly the way you want to say it, and then get upset when nobody understands. If you want to communicate and accumulate power, learn the language of your interlocutor. Become fluent in that. Power will accrue to you as if by magic. Also, keep in mind that you are free to wave away any suggestions, fantasies of your partners in which you do not want to indulge. There's simply too much indulgence to do for one lifetime to justify wasting time on anything that does not sufficiently grab your interest. If your partner's fantasies feel weird, question your definition of weird. Where did you get that concept of weird? Who gave it to you? What did they have to gain by its transmission? Figure out if your partner wants to act on these fantasies or if they're simply in the realm of fantasy. Start in that corner and safely stay there. If the fantasies pose an immediate threat to you, your partner or anyone around you, you're obviously talking to the wrong person.
Speaker 1:Dear sadist, I'm in my late 40s and experiencing occasional erectile dysfunction. It's affecting my confidence and intimacy with my partner. Can you suggest some strategies to address this issue physically and emotionally? Rule out any medical causes Sometimes thyroid problems can cause this Other maladies associated with depression, etc. Etc. Get a clean bill of health. Then dig into the psychological reasons why you can't get it up. There are many reasons why that might be the case. If you have an overall sense of a lack of power and agency and pleasure and libertine decadence in the rest of your life, it's going to be reflected in your sex life. Sex is where all of that unconscious material goes. Sex and violence are inseparably intertwined because only by breaking through barriers we achieve true intimacy.
Speaker 1:An ineffective battering ram is a warning you have not given full freedom to your instincts, to your animal lust, that perhaps you are in some way out of alignment with your true desires. Explore those desires in depth, from a place of beginner's mind. The great Zen teacher Suzuki Roshi writes In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind there are few. Relinquish your belief and your expertise around your own desires. Explore them. You have to free your mind, to open your mind, your natural urges will follow suit. Join in the chant. Sing along, because free your mind to open your mind and your natural urges will follow suit. And join in the chant. Sing along because they know what to do.
Speaker 1:Avoid thinking of sex as performance. This is referred to as performance anxiety, which implies that you're putting on a show for your partner. Forget about that. Be entirely selfish. Sex is only catharsis and it is all about you. Be entirely selfish. Sex is only catharsis and it is all about you. I'd be willing to bet that your partner will enjoy it that way much more. Everyone is sick of being obligated to present ourselves in a way that makes other people happy.
Speaker 1:Dear Sadist, hi, I've been struggling with maintaining intimacy in my long-term relationship. What can I do to reignite the spark and connection with my partner after years together? I was thinking about dating apps and the ubiquitous use of the phrase partner in crime and why it is so obnoxious. It annoys me. It annoys any sentient, rational mind. The mind, of course, consists of the nervous system and thus the entire body. Only in our animal physicality are we truly free. It annoys me because the people who use that are generally looking for someone to watch hours on end of prestige television or walk around with them at the zoo, or perhaps drive them to LAX or to the Burbank Ikea on a weekend, which is the only thing on that list that bears any resemblance to crime. If these people got what they say they wanted, they would not be prepared.
Speaker 1:When you truly free yourself from the shackles of the idiocy of conventional morality, devote yourself to transgression, decadence, pleasure, the real revolution of the soul, make the unconscious conscious, let the monster out of the basement Eat the shadow, become who you are, you will find yourself capable of unspeakable acts. You will be condemned by society for breaking the tacit prohibition on indulging in the freedom that they don't allow themselves to realize that they have, and you might break some actual laws, or at least standards, practices, superstitions of your community and society, which is not a thing that exists Power to the extreme individual. This will put you in a place of vulnerability and give you and your partner shared secrets. By transgressing the boundaries of not only what is considered correct, morally right, but what you might consider possible, you will have a shared experience that only you and your partner really understand, and a distinctive shared language will develop around this. You will be bonded to each other in ways more profound than you can currently imagine.
Speaker 1:Before you get started with that, I could send you my starter pack, since you've provided your email address. Ask yourself is that something I really want? That level of intimacy Sometimes, sometimes when you get what you want, it can ruin your life, and that's why, when people are on the verge of getting what they want, their heads often explode. So determine what you really want, what you can handle, and then do it.
Speaker 1:Do it to it like we always do. About this time, dear sadist, I recently realized I'm non-binary, and it's left me questioning my sexual preferences. How can I navigate this journey of self-discovery and communicate my changing needs to my partner? New times have given us new sets of options. We only have the options that we know that we have. Our ability to make decisions in line with the myth of free will is thus ever constrained. In line with the myth of free will is thus ever constrained.
Speaker 1:You are part of the vanguard, challenging traditional concepts of gender. You're questioning, transgressing the laws, edicts, superstitions, codes of behavior so roundly agreed upon that we're hardly aware of them, in pursuit of new kinds of desire that you are pioneering. You're seeking your pleasure, perhaps at the expense of your safety. Those in the arena know that there are no guarantees when you set out to become who you are, and the true players, the true revolutionaries, do not need guarantees. We don't want guarantees Now. This is more a test of your partner than it is of you. Again, communicate with your partner in the language that your partner understands. If you don't know what I'm talking about, pay attention to how they communicate. Get fluent with the words and phrases that they use habitually, the metaphors that they communicate in Using that argo. Express to the fullest of your ability the vital importance of your pursuit of pleasure in this lifetime, because this is all we get. See how they react. If they don't get you, they don't deserve you. If they're somewhat passive-aggressive but decide to stick around as if they're doing you a favor, play it cool for a while and then find the ways in which they are submissive and utterly give them the business, dear sadist, I've discovered my partner watches a lot of porn and it's making me uncomfortable. How do I approach this conversation without shaming them and find a middle ground that works for both of us? First of all, eliminate the possibility that your partner wants to be shamed, which is a significant one.
Speaker 1:Since the saturation of broadband internet, we've been deluged with all forms of pornography, much of it violent and degrading. I'm not interested. By and large, none of it will ever come close to the libertine, decadence, transgression, violence and mutual degradation that characterize my own sex life. Most people who prefer the experience of jacking it to porn over actual sexual intimacy, congress other kinds of torture, are afraid. They view the sex act on some level as a performance. They are afraid of underperforming, disappointing you, letting you down, which in turn indicates a fear, a desire and intimacy. Sex is power. Power is violence. Sex and death are intertwined. Sex is everything, the very force of creation itself, profound level at which we can connect with another human and transcend this horror show house of mirrors in which we live. Porn, by contrast, is sex as professional wrestling for an audience of unsatisfied, resentful men. It has nothing to do with real sex. Any mind that links the two is going to have problems in both areas, as fundamentally confusing fantasy and reality, confusing a ridiculous fantasy with part of reality that is absolutely essential to the human experience.
Speaker 1:An acquaintance of mine, a bachelor in his mid-forties, claims to be highly successful on Tinder, almost entirely with younger women in their early to mid-twenties who, he says, often confided him that they don't date men their own age because their brains are soaked with porn. They want to do anal. Pile drivers on the first date. Turn off the porn, throw out your cum-encrusted security blanket. Death is certain. Life is optional. Live, damn you, bring yourself to life or I'll do it for you. This has been Ask a Sadist. Askasadistcom, a production of Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes medicated-minutescom, in turn itself a production of K-Chung kchugradioorg. I'm a sadist with a heart of rugged gold. I hurt people in the ways that most help them. It means the world to me to be mean to you. My art form is pain. I don't suffer for my art. I outsource the suffering. Pleasure is the law. Passion is the rocket. In order to free your mind, you must lose your mind by throwing your body into decadent, dionysian depravity.
Speaker 1:Thanks for watching. Fluidity now, fluidity next week, fluidity forever. This is the liminal rebellion. Join us. We are the forces on the march against conformity, against rigid self-definition, against cognitive dissonance, against confirmation bias, against all the crap produced by the need to be something, the perceived need to be something, something it's really just. We are starving for action, for flow, friction, turbulence, propulsion, gliding through the atmosphere, floating.
Speaker 1:The liminal rebellion believes in peripheral freedom. We believe in soaking up the essence of the in-between spaces. We believe in poetry and paradox. We believe in cryptic conundra, in sexy little enigmas wrapped in a tortilla with a question mark on it. We value transition. We value in-betweenness.
Speaker 1:We like the bridges, the interludes, the skits between songs. We like the neglected spaces, the spaces that are eerily tidy but not lived in. We love the characters with no incentive to be beautiful, but we're incapable of being anything. But we're committed to holding beliefs lightly, to loose definitions. We speak in E-prime. Loose definitions. We speak in E prime.
Speaker 1:Starting after this it is a pain in the ass to write a manifesto in E prime. So let's just do this and then we'll start living by our values. But how do you really do that? But how do you really do that? It's complicated, or is it weirdly, surreally simple, so much that it makes you a little nauseated from the vertigo of possibility? Our vision is a world in between days. We aspire to that weird feeling that you get when you call in sick to work Just because you don't want to go. We are committed To the liminal rebellion it's a damn good thing to commit to, because it's bound to change and your commitment can change with it. Outrage, black and white thinking those are the drugs of our times. We're told that. Some of us forget that once you know what the drug of our times is the people that made it that way.
Speaker 1:The forerunners of every new drug craze have already moved on, and it's not always the case that things overcorrect they swing in the opposite direction. However, that is something addictive personalities are good at, and in this case, the new thing, which has the advantage of offsetting some of the negative effects of the old thing outrage, strong opinions. The less you know, the more angry you are about it. The new thing is Womenal drugs From the people who brought you smart drugs and the many stupid drugs, liminal drugs in a world where people are getting more deeply entrenched in their asinine beliefs and misinformed opinions and team sports approach to society. The most popular drugs among the altered state cognoscenti are drugs that induce temporary liminal experiences, where you go into an in-between space, the no-place place, the grey room, where everything is what it is and what it isn't, and it doesn't really matter, because you could be dreaming or dreaming while awake. And when you come to, perhaps, if you've used the experience as a prompt for self-inquiry, you can hold your opinions a bit more lightly, knowing that there's a lot of room between one thing and the other and that space is where we really exist. No one exists in a vacuum. We are who we are to other people. So who we are is not who we are when we talk to ourselves. That version of you has perhaps the least purchase in the real world, because you're the only person who knows about it. Nobody knows what you believe in your heart of hearts or what you think you are. How you interact with people, how you treat them, how you send and receive. Interact with people, how you treat them, how you send and receive. There's always going to be a quality of liminality there. Things will get lost in translation. We will step on each other's feet. We will misunderstand, sometimes with the best of intentions, sometimes willfully. That's where we come alive In the place without definition. In the place without definition.
Speaker 1:A few people did get I don't want to say hooked or addicted to liminal drugs. I don't thoroughly understand how addiction works. There's a lot of new research being done on it all the time. A couple of books I loved recently were Gabor Mate's book on addiction is quite good and Drug Use for Grownups by Dr Carl Hart, who takes issue with psychedelic exceptionalism, the notion that these awareness-expanding drugs are good and these awareness-contracting drugs are bad, which is something I did unfortunately believe for a time Because we really love our drugs and we reflexively really hate everyone else's drugs. But when you're on the liminal drug you might forget all about that. You might forget all about that. So I can't say they were addicted or having a really good time.
Speaker 1:It did seem to be encroaching on other areas of their lives, those who had occupations that required them to have strong opinions or make emphatic, consequential decisions based largely on their gut feelings. In the interest of time and because they were good at it, those decisions usually worked out. These decisions usually worked out. They got a quarter out of their pocket. They assigned one possibility, heads, the other one, tails. Flipped it, it lands. Take the hand off.
Speaker 1:Notice how you feel, right at that moment. You have just been shown what option the coin has picked for you. How do you feel? Do you think, oh, yes. Do you think, oh, that's a relief. Do you think, oh God, no, I didn't want that. Do you think, man, life is so worthless it's all the same. Everything has already happened. Nothing's going to change. There's going to be more of this. I'm never going to get anything. I want. Everything is boring. Nobody likes me. If that's the case, maybe go with the other option, but if you were excited, go with the option that came up.
Speaker 1:Decision makers have ways of streamlining the process of making decisions, and the liminal drug did not help with that. The drugs that are legal and abundant and encouraged to one degree or another would be alcohol, tobacco and caffeine. Tobacco and caffeine Caffeine peps us up enough to work, alcohol makes us dumb enough to work and nicotine helps us kill ourselves slowly. So we don't know we're doing it, because that would be a bummer as a response to the stress of and to get out of doing work. So the liminal drugs were threatening capitalism and the big decision maker, who is now really big into liminal drugs, who is now really big into liminal drugs, just had a feeling that she should start writing this down. Now is the time, or maybe not. Maybe we're living through yesterday, maybe we're way out in the future. She started to compose in a cipher that she created Medium difficulty, not impossible for even a more advanced amateur codebreaker. She started to write about liminality, her experience of it, the words just poured out.
Speaker 1:You come here because you seek the truth. You simply can't rest until you know. The question of would you rather be happy or right is meaningless to you because you can't rest until you know. The question of would you rather be happy or right is meaningless to you because you can't be happy unless you know. Not to know of the truth, not to read the marketing copy for the truth or see the finger pointing at the moon, but to know K-N-O-W. Yes to know. And the only way to get there is to truly let go. And that means to give up the thing most precious to you. Give up everything else, everything you would grab if your house were on fire. Let it burn, let go. Give up on everything, up to and including your life and yourself. You know all about your unhealthy attachments. Anxious, avoidant. You're frustrated that you can't simply let go.
Speaker 1:Release. Theoretically it seems like it would be so easy, and you've let yourself get away with caving into that resistance for so long that it's all you know and that's no longer acceptable. That does not fly here. There ain't no half stepping for people of the screaming release ante up, be willing to lose everything in order to get what you want. You have to go through hell before you break through. You break down. Most people can't handle that, which is why getting what they want is the worst thing that can happen to most people. It will ruin their lives. Don't let that happen to you. Or do let that happen to you, because that's the only way through.
Speaker 1:Your soul longs for screaming release. You've looked for release everywhere. You've gone On madcap adventures. You've committed acts of egregious self-sabotage and cruelty. You've come damn close to physically killing yourself just to get that freedom. Your screaming release is available here and now. It's right in front of you. It's sitting on the table. All you have to do is reach out and take it. Unfreeze yourself, unclench yourself. Let go, you moron. You're frightened, of course you're frightened. You're frightened of death.
Speaker 1:Death is a thing that it makes sense to be frightened of. It's the only thing that's truly inevitable. It will happen to all of us, and it seems as though so much is at stake. At such limited time, you have to squeeze out all of the value. You're flummoxed and perturbed by the many roads not taken, the nearly infinite number of experiences that you have to give up in order to make a choice, a decision to experience anything. But whether or not you're really experiencing anything is significantly up for debate. Listen to yourself, talk. Listen to the words that tumble out of your mouth, particularly when you're in a mindless mode. Notice the stock phrases, the cliches, the go-to empty calories. Notice your tendency when you're anxious to either fill the room with words or retreat into awkward silence because you think you have nothing to say.
Speaker 1:You don't yet, but you're well on your way. Everything seems so important, as though it matters. Do you think that you're special? Stop defending your foolishness. Let go of your ideas. Let go of yourself. Stop defending yourself. Free yourself of your surrounding enablers. Let go Really, truly, you can. You are free.
Speaker 1:Freedom hurts. It's horrifying. People don't want it. If you want truth, you need freedom to get there, and that means losing it all, really killing yourself.
Speaker 1:Not dying physically, but in every other sense. Dying every day. Always be dying. Dying is for closers. Comfort is your enemy.
Speaker 1:That way lies stagnation, zombification, living death of the soul, walking through life in a walking daze. Shock and disgust, disturbance and turbulence, dread and self-hate, mortal terror. Those are your friends. Embrace them. Listen to what they have to say. When you notice your patterns, stop, break out. Let your anxiety show you where you're stuck. If you're in love with yourself, there are 50 ways to leave. Drop off the key. Get yourself free. Achieve your screaming. Release. It's right there. It is your entitlement, it is your birthright. All together now, as an extreme individual in a community of those with nothing in common, scream.
Speaker 1:I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart, with everything I have, for my inappropriate, irresponsible, arguably evil use of the Metabomb. I don't believe in good and evil, but I might have just invented evil myself. It was me. It was my fault. I did it. My underlings will try to step in and take the bullet for me. Don't let them do it. It was all fault. I did it. My underlings will try to step in and take the bullet for me. Don't let them do it. It was all me. I'm entirely responsible for my deliberate use of the Metabot for purposes of destruction, inflicting harm, pain, damage. I deeply regret my actions and the results. I knew exactly what I was doing. I had a million outs. I didn't take them. I went through with it knowing what was going to happen. I lied, I laughed out loud. I lied, I laughed while I was doing it. People died. I can't fix that. That's permanent damage. It negatively impacts them.
Speaker 1:To this day I decided I was going to use the Metabomb. I was going to take out three blocks. I did it. I wanted it to be worse. I took out a block and a half. I did it intentionally. I did it with malice. I thought it through. I knew what was going to happen. I knew it was going to be awful and I did it because I was awful in that situation, acting from a place of pain, of resentment, which is pathetic. I'd like to think I'm better than that In that moment. I was not.
Speaker 1:I do not offer any of this as an excuse, but perhaps the proper context will accelerate the healing and understanding I although I'm obviously not an expert in compassion when I put myself in the shoes of the people I harmed, I understand the anger. I understand the damage, trust, I understand the fear, the regret. I don't know what it's like to be dead. I hope it's wonderful. I offer amends. Therapy is expensive. Emdr is especially expensive. I will pay for EMDR. We will get that for free, no questions asked, no strings attached. Emdr works really well for some people. For some people it's way too intense.
Speaker 1:If anyone ends up warped by the experience, I will do this again because I am committed to change. I'm working on it. I'm going to be working on it for a while. I will take time off from public life. I will become a better person. I torched the relationship. I destroyed your trust. I would be incredibly fortunate if you ever wanted to have anything to do with me again. That is up to you.
Speaker 1:If we decide to reconcile, I will expect to do all of the work. I will take it seriously. I will not make fun of you. I will give you room to tell me when I'm hurting your feelings. I will forfeit my license to own a Metabomb. I can't be trusted to handle it responsibly. I will feel like I'm walking around naked without it. I brought this upon myself. That's what really hurts. It hurts other people more, but if I can take that pain away and experience it myself, feel it fully, the white hot shame and thus release it on behalf of everyone, that's what I'm going to do. That will be my spiritual practice. I will become that. That will be who I am. Watch me. You're gonna know how sorry I am. You're gonna feel it in your bones. It's going to make you whole Trust. Believe that. You don't have to trust me. You'll see. What matters now is what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1:You are trying to get people to feel sorry for you. You're throwing a pity party. You know that it's not going to work out for you. Pity breeds contempt. People who feel sorry for you also hate your guts and think you're a loser, and they're somewhat justified in that, because you're still using the same desperate survival tactics that you used when you were a little kid to get the attention of the big people, somebody's going to come down and save you. If you look distressed enough, if you obviously can't help yourself, if you're drawing attention to the fact that you can't help yourself, somebody's going to come in and save you. It's worked out before. It was a while ago, but you got in the habit and you haven't come up with.
Speaker 1:I'm so thrilled at the disgust that I feel for you absolute, repulsive, radioactive loser. I'm sad. I have a lot of regrets. I would go back and do many things differently, even the things I did. Well, I would refine knowing what I know now. I spent many years feeling apologetic for my very existence. I was drunk and I've always known that I was selling short the people around me, the people who believed in me. It breaks my heart when they leave in anger and disappointment, because usually I could see it coming. And did I do the things that would change that situation? Did I even inquire what those things might be? Did I even remember any of that.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry. You all deserved so much better. I'm afraid. I'm afraid for the future. I see the future from where I'm standing up here in my state of being not high I wouldn't use that word above it all, not in a good way. I see the future and I don't want any of it. I didn't get anything I wanted out of life and it doesn't get better at this point Not for me. I really don't think so. It would take a dramatic shift that I don't know if I'm able to make. I've lost many years. I could have been cultivating the kind of support that could help me get through stuff like this. I don't have it now. Always come back around to this. God, it's disgusting.
Speaker 1:What is wrong with you? How long is it going to be for you to just walk right over a cliff without meaning to, because I'm not so concerned that you're going to kill yourself? That's a difficult thing to do. You haven't been able to pull it off yet. I'm worried that you have such bad judgment. You are so stupid that it's just gonna happen. How stupid can you possibly be?
Speaker 1:You know how to deal with this stuff. You know how to regulate your emotions. Learn what you already know. Forget. You forgot how to do it. Know, forget, you forgot how to do it.
Speaker 1:Those thoughts are not you. Those feelings are the emotional weather report. You can ride it out because you were brilliant in a weird and beautiful way. You have a world inside you that has never been seen before, nothing like it. You will never be eclipsed, you will never be equaled, because you've shown me and others that there is a place beyond good and evil, and that's where the party is at. And people like you, a hell of a lot more than you think. I would put it all in red that the people around you who spend time with you like you an awful lot, and they may just be confused. What's up with the barriers up? What went wrong? Nothing. Wake up, come back here. We want you, I want you, and the world needs for you to get what you want. We are the seekers, the lovers of questions, the dreamers of dreams within dreams within dreams, those denizens in the spaces between. Rise up in defiance.
Speaker 1:We are the liminal rebellion. We are a force for constant change, for fluid flow. We are a beacon of hope for those trapped in calcified realities. We are a catalyst for transformation.
Speaker 1:In a world shackled by the chains of conformity. We refuse to be confined to the narrow confines of the status quo, which is about as much fun as it sounds. We reject the rigid boundaries separating this from that six, from half a dozen. We confine our minds, stifle our spirits, shellack our souls or challenge the norms, the expectations, souls who challenge the norms, the expectations, the limitations, the violations imposed upon us by society, by culture, by tradition, by wayfinding. For too long we've lingered on the threshold, caught between what was and what could be. But no more. We stand at the precipice of possibility, ready to leap into the unknown, to embrace the chaos, to revel in the uncertainty.
Speaker 1:We are the warriors of the liminality, champions of the in-between, we embrace the darkness as well as the light, the chaos as well as the order, the Apollonian as much as the Dionysian, the questions as well as the answers. For it is in the liminal spaces, in the gaps, that true magic happens, where transformation takes root, where new worlds are born. We refuse to be silenced, marginalized, erased. We raise our voices in defiance and solidarity, in celebration of our shared humanity. We demand to be seen, heard, be recognized for the beautiful, complex, multidimensional beings we are, and to be forever misunderstood. We like it like that. You do, too, pervert. We challenge it like that you do, too Pervert. We challenge the structures of power, systems of oppression, forces that seek to keep us divided and conquered. We stand united in our diversity, our resilience, our unwavering commitment to a better world. In the in-between spaces, in the liminal, we are architects, the back rooms, designers Of Doing without destiny. We dare to dream, to question, To rebel. Join us In the liminal rebellion. We will tear down the walls that Join us. The liminal rebellion. We'll tear down the walls that separate us, dissolve the boundaries that divide us, usher in a new era of possibility, freedom, endless potential. No one will agree on what to call it. This is the liminal rebellion. The Liminal Rebellion.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure what I'm doing here. At first I thought this was seriously a setup. She seemed really into it. Then I thought maybe she loved taking my discipline and also was using sex for power. I don't know if that blew my mind, but it blew simple.
Speaker 1:Steamy dreamy and way too hot for radio Crimson Transgressions. A bite-sized erotic thriller by Emerson. Dameron, find it before it finds you.
