Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
LA’s #1 avant-garde personal development program. I'm Emerson Dameron. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
The home of Ask a Sadist, Bite-Sized Erotic Thrillers, and the First Church of the Satanic Buddha. Levity saves lives.
Regularly scheduled episodes premiere on the first Wednesday of the month on KCHUNG Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
Metamorphosis in Ecstasy: Unexpected Journeys in American Nightlife
Let's cut the nonsense about power corrupting. Power is pure voltage, baby – it's what you do with the current that electrocutes your enemies or lights up the world.
If you're afraid of power, stay tuned. Because this episode will rewire your moral circuitry and show you why your ethical hang-ups about influence are precisely why you need more of it.
The saints who shun power are leaving the controls to the sinners, and how's that working out for everyone?
Get ready for a masterclass in ethical dominance where you'll discover:
- Why your resistance to power is really resistance to yourself
- How to stop confusing manipulation with mastery
- The dirty little secret about why good people finish last (spoiler: they're choosing to)
- Why your relationship with power is more intimate than your last three lovers combined
This isn't just another podcast episode – it's an intervention for the chronically powerless. For the empaths who keep getting steamrolled by sociopaths. For the bright minds dimming their light because they're scared of their own voltage.
Your mental wealth is your real net worth, and we're here to make you spiritually rich enough to buy and sell your old limiting beliefs on the cosmic stock exchange.
The weak want power to dominate. The strong want power to create. And the wise? They're already listening to this episode, because they know that true intimacy with power is the ultimate foreplay for changing the world.
Stop being so awfully polite about your potential. Power isn't coming to ask for your consent – it's waiting for you to claim it.
Listen now. Or don't. But remember: your resistance to power is someone else's permission to use it against you.
The choice is yours. And that's the first taste of power you'll get today.
Welcome to the revolution between your ears.
All that, plus a pop-in from Helena the Brit!
And all the lessons in love, leadership, lechery, and letting go you've come to expect from The Only Good Podcast™!
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is LA's number-one avant-garde personal development program. New episodes premiere on KCHUNG Los Angeles on the first Wednesday of the month.
The writer, producer, host, and witty and wounded romantic hero is Emerson Dameron, who is wholly responsible for its content.
I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
Available now! https://emersondameron.bandcamp.com/album/crimson-transgressions-a-bite-sized-erotic-thriller-by-emerson-dameron
Sponsored in part by Magic Mind.
CODE: SAMSARAOT20 gets you up to 48% off your first subscription for the next 10 days or 20% off for a one-time purchase. https://www.magicmind.com/samsaraot
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You are here, you are listening, you are breathing, and as you listen, you begin to realize that power is not something to be feared. You have heard that power is dangerous. You have seen people wield it recklessly. You have been told that power corrupts. And yet, as you reflect, you begin to see that power itself is neutral and its use and misuse are the forces that shape the world.
Speaker 1:You know that some people hold more power than others, and some hold quite a lot indeed. You understand that they do not want to share it. You have felt how they not want to share it. You have felt how they shame others for seeking it. And now, as you take this in, you start to understand. They tell you not to seek power because they want it for themselves.
Speaker 1:You have been taught that only the worst villains crave power. You have seen power used in ways that disgust you, and yet, as you think deeper, you realize that power is also what makes good things happen. Power is not just domination or manipulation. It is creation is not just domination or manipulation. It is creation. It is sex force, fire, energy. You know that nature runs on power. You see how every animal, every leader, every movement gains traction only when power is in play.
Speaker 1:And now, as you reflect, you begin to realize that your desire for power is not a weakness, it is a sign of life, it is your birthright. You have witnessed the sad shenanigans of people who crave power without purpose. You have seen what happens when power is left in their hands. And now you begin to see that sensitive, ethical people, people like you, must take power too, because only those who claim power can do good with it. You have been passive, you have wished for things to be better, you have believed that rightness alone should be enough. But now you understand Without power, nothing moves. Without power, nothing moves. Without power, nothing manifests. And as you grasp this truth, something shifts in you. You start to sense a new hunger, not just for justice, but for the force to make it real. You feel it now. The world is built by those who claim their power. And now, as you realize this, you know it's time to claim yours.
Speaker 2:Go get some K-Chunk Los Angeles, 1630 AM. K-chunk radioorg emerson. Dameron's medicated minutes l a number one event, guard personal development program, home of the first church of the satanic buddha, and fight sized erotic thrillers. Improve yourself before everybody else does. That's kinky Levity saves lives.
Speaker 4:I've never seriously believed that power corrupts necessarily. I think that's something we often learn from people who want to keep most of the power for themselves and have a vested interest in making us feel small and crouch and curl into a ball and cry and wonder what's it all about? The thing about power is we tend to take on more than we can handle. What it's all about is finding the right rhythm, finding a heuristic that works for you and quitting while you're ahead, quitting while you're behind, quitting early, quitting, often quitting until you find something that you can quit. Quitting and then knowing how to roast, knowing how to coast, knowing what habits serve you the most. There are no magic bullets. If anyone offers you one, it's going to be more bullet than magic.
Speaker 4:I speak as someone who has been driven through his life by a craving for ecstatic experiences. I want ecstasy, I want oblivion, I want to give and receive volcanic shattering orgasms all the time. But the impossible becomes commonplace and as long as we don't totally blow out our speakers while we're dosing on power, we are what we do every day. Lately I have been feeling pretty good. My baseline is at a place where I can do the work that I need to do to progress in my struggle, which moves slowly, as it should. I credit myself with a lot of that. Also habits I've developed, sometimes with the advice of friends.
Speaker 4:I have a friend who works over at Magic Mind. She talks about mental wealth. It's her heuristic. It's exercise, sleep, diet, stress management and exogenous compounds which come together in a shot, not a syringe, not a bullet. It's one of these little airline bottles of Magic Mind Focus and slash or Magic Mind Sleep. She hooked me up with both and I made it a daily habit which has become a daily ritual, because I look forward to it and I look forward to that mellow, cool, hot, sexy lucidity that I get after a good night's sleep and when I know I'm ready to face the standard issue indignities of another day of human existence. Human consciousness itself is hell. But there's a lot we can do. You can try Magic Mind, focus and Sleep if you go to magicmindcom slash, emersonjan, e-m-e-r-s-o-n-j-a-n, you can get the one-two Focus and Sleep. You don't have to pick a favorite until you've tried both, and that's many thanks to one of my favorite people. It turns out, much to my chagrin, that we need each other.
Speaker 2:It's okay that I like it really, really rough. Right, I am a slut. It's okay to be a slut. It's fun to be a slut. I am a whore. I serve the pleasure of men. I appreciate my body. I enjoy my body. I enjoy touching. Feeling sexy gives confidence. I feel sexy as a slut. Exploring leads to pleasure. Sex is fun and exciting. I appreciate my body. I enjoy my body. Feeling sexy gives confidence. I feel sexy as a slut. Exploring leads to pleasure. Sex is fun and exciting. Hot girls do what we want. Licking things off the floor is super hot. Guess what? I'm a slut.
Speaker 4:At first I thought this was seriously a setup. She seemed really into it. Then I thought maybe she loved taking my discipline and also was using sex for power. I don't know if that blew my mind, but it blew simple.
Speaker 1:Steamy, dreamy and way too hot for radio. Crimson Transgressions, A bite-sized erotic thriller by Emerson Dameron. Find it before it finds you.
Speaker 4:I'd do me sure I'm an entertaining guy to be around.
Speaker 4:I'm intelligent, well-read and funny witty in a dry way, amusing not embarrassing, not someone you have to feel humiliated to hook up with Suave, calm, cool, veneer of sophistication, hiding behind it a wild side. I want to go wild. I want to have fun. I've been good for way too long. I'm happier playing the villain. Everybody loves the bad guy and you will too, especially when you find out why patient present, passionate lover, reverberating pleasure throughout your nervous system. Your body is one big brain and your brain is the ultimate sex organ. I can fire you up. I can cool you down, make you comfortable enough to get excited. I'm sincere, I'm straightforward, I have some swag Swinging it. I'm kind. K-chung, los Angeles. Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, la's number one avant-garde personal development program. 1630 AM Kchungradioorg First Wednesdays of the month, after which it becomes the only good podcast.
Speaker 4:Rule number one Keep it light. If you're still broken up about your cat dying two years ago, save that for your shrink. Number two Keep it moving, don't linger, never spend the night and always be ready to walk away. Number three if it gets kinky, it's just about sex. It's not just about sex. Don't get kinky If there's weird sex stuff you're into. Find someone whose kinks are complimentary to yours and have sex with them, but do not have anything that could possibly be perceived to be a budding relationship. If there's some romantic chemistry and you're digging that, keep the sex vanilla and kind of okay. One nice bonus there is if they walk away first, you don't have to really feel rejected because you didn't really bring your A-game. Number four use protection. Prophylactics, yes, but also a hazmat suit for your heart. I don't know how that works for you, but you need to go in with a strategy. Do not trust yourself to not screw this up. Number five don't get weird. If you start showing up in each other's dreams and the things you do there affect each other's waking lives, it's time to bounce. You can keep it casual. That's how, trust me, I would know. As you already know, you're talking to Jason Stone, the king of one of America's biggest smoothie empires, a millionaire by the time I turned 30. Since then, I've become even more wealthy thanks to some unsexy but highly strategic investments.
Speaker 4:Investing now is my hobby. I don't care if I lose money on it, it's just for fun. I'm a gambling addict and that's the perfect thing to do with that. At one point I was also a sex and love addict. I find that those things don't mix well together in my life. I think multitasking is a myth. I think if you're going to achieve true excellence in one area, you need to focus on that at the expense of other parts of your life.
Speaker 4:There are a lot of women that want to get in serious relationships with me for a lot of different reasons, many of which they know they're better off not disclosing initially. So I'm very good at protecting myself. If it starts to look like a relationship, I'm out. A lot of women put me on a pedestal. That kind of love inevitably turns to disappointment, ridicule and hate. When I turn out to be human, the business I can do. Business makes sense.
Speaker 4:I mentioned that investing is a hobby for me. I don't have to care whether or not I make money which, like some law of the cosmos, is extremely frustrating to people who don't get it. The less I care, the better I do. The one thing to keep in mind is it stops working if you get too confident for too long. Staying humble is hard when you're an extremely good-looking millionaire whose dazzling intelligence and charm is eclipsed only by his reputation as a coast-to-coast poomslaying machine.
Speaker 4:I must have been feeling a little high on myself when I met Isabella. My guard must have been further down than I realized. I really didn't see it coming. I was in my favorite know-you, the lounge of a high-end hotel. You can meet a lot of wealthy travelers this way, people who couldn't hang around if they wanted to but have a nice suite, and if you're good at playing the away game, you can get a lot out of that. I could sense Isabella's intoxicating enigma from across the room, haunting blue eyes, dark hair and a dark, dark aura. This woman was trouble. She was danger. I liked it.
Speaker 4:We locked eyes from across the bar and, both being adherents to the, we simultaneously got up and went over to introduce ourselves. If you're into rom-coms, you might have called it a meet-cute. We talked about the financial news of the day, how Miami is sort of like San Diego on all of the acid in the world. She had a captivating way of speaking, seemingly simple at first, as though English was her second language. Then she would throw in some pretty serious philosophical discussion with a fluent command of words too big for the SAT. She had an accent I couldn't place, sort of like a combination between Bartholona and Alabama Rush Week, and it was utterly charming. I didn't even notice we were hooking up until it was already happening. I got the slowest, deepest, most loving blowjob of my life and gave her a volcanic orgasm. Past results are no guarantee of future returns, but my tongue grew at least three sizes that day in terms of empathy and confidence. Then I found out who she was.
Speaker 4:Her husband was one of the richest men in California. His name, sometimes bandied about as a possible candidate for governor. Issues would come up and cloud that. His reputation for weaving snakes in people's mailboxes. He stopped liking them, always with plausible deniability. His ability to ruin reputations overnight and some stuff he did just to be mean.
Speaker 4:I decided to give Isabella a wide berth, but I realized it might be difficult. We were really in lust with each other and it was already turning into something else, to my chagrin and almost clinical fascination. I couldn't stop analyzing this in my mind, and maybe that's as close as I get to love the fact that there was something off about it, that her stories were like misaligned wallpaper. At first you didn't really care. You were willing to ignore it because the overall gestalt was wonderful, but it started to drive you insane after a while. That did not make it any less hot, quite the contrary. From the beginning she'd ask me to screw her like I hated her and over time it was getting easier and easier to do and more and more mutually satisfying. This could have gone on indefinitely, but it was a pretty serious boner killer.
Speaker 4:When at five in the morning I'm a hardcore morning person that I don't get up that early unless a bunch of gangsters crash my apartment unannounced, that was surprising. But the fact that Isabella wasn't surprised by it at all and in fact started smiling her trademark, knowing smile that I thought made me think that she knows more than she does. But now I wasn't sure if I knew anything anymore. That didn't surprise me much at all. At this point I got roughed up a little bit, which is nothing I've never experienced before. It helped me build a little bit of character and it seemed to be a distraction from killing me, which the gangsters repeatedly promised to do. They tied me up and said that I would be immediately dead if I refused to give them the name of quote-unquote my associate. Apparently they thought I was in cahoots with somebody to bring down Isabella's husband. I really don't know and in retrospect Isabella and I were not good at communication I don't know who she thought I was. I gave them the name of my high school driving instructor. Weirdly, they just let me go. At that point Isabella's husband found out about this and dropped some black PR that thoroughly destroyed my reputation. None of my old friends would talk to me anymore. None of them talked to me very much before. I had plenty of money socked away and now I'm applying myself anonymously, teaching online classes and avoidant behavior, which is no longer a nice-to-have but a brutal necessity in this overstimulated, cutthroat, competitive world we live in. That I just happen to be perfectly optimized for.
Speaker 4:I was in fifth grade. I never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and assumed things were going to improve. When I went to middle school the following year, she was the daughter of the coach of the school's disproportionately successful soccer team. Seriously, the goalie mostly took naps. This made her royalty in the school and she acted like it. So I found it rather flattering when she started aggressively flirting with me, soliciting my attention, giving me daily Valentine's Day cards for a couple of months Expensive ones, frilly, gold details that were actually pretty cool. I couldn't take it seriously. Then I would go home and fall asleep listening to love songs on the coast and eventually I started to develop reciprocal feelings for her.
Speaker 4:One Saturday afternoon, after yet another victorious soccer game, I pretended to coincidentally run into her and asked her if she wanted to go out with me Not sure where we would have gone Probably Foster's, it was a moot point and she let me know that her flirtations had been part of a social experiment, otherwise known as a prank. She and her friends had gamed this out. She was gonna win me over, and when I responded in kind which they agreed might take a while but was ultimately inevitable she would dramatically shoot me down and I would be subject to school-wide ridicule. She told me she was having second thoughts about this, that while she was playing the long game she started to sort of like me, but by now she had too much skin in the game, an expression she probably picked up from her dad, who's obsessed with the book Anti-Fragile. I didn't enjoy being humiliated, which in retrospect is kind of a relief. In the end, I admired her commitment to the bit. In the end, I think she showed more integrity than a lot of the women I've been with, or me. You're a lot like me, I'm guessing.
Speaker 4:An observer, student of life, particularly humanity. Yeah, I have stories about all of these people, rules made up for everyone in the emerson dameron cinematic universe. Watching other people is a good way to learn about yourself. Really, it's all just versions of you, and when you're screwing, screwinging over, arguing with Pieces of you, it just can seem lonely. But then when you acknowledge that you're free to really get to know somebody, your feelings are showing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think there's more to you. There's a softness, tenderness that you're afraid to let out, and I totally get it. It's scary. I've been hurt, really badly Hurt, for a long time, so I know what that's like. I can keep a secret. You know that Life is for fun. First, last and always. Fun is the law. I'm out here to have fun. Talk to people, learn a little bit about myself by accident On my way toward screwing off. Having a good time Laughing, having fun and talking to people. So like for you, for instance, find the most bubbly person in the room and find out you were pretty smart. You got layers Dangerous one. People probably don't know that about you, but I do. I need you on my side and we're gonna have some crazy adventures together Road tripping, ridding the world of evildoers beyond good and evil ourselves, somewhat corrupt and loving it, killing it with the karaoke duet. Nothing's gonna stop us now by starship. You, my friend, are a real one.
Speaker 4:I don't really click with most people. I'm not an edgy teenage misanthrope anymore, but I've been lonely in a crowd. I've been burned by people I trusted. Behind every cynic is a wounded romantic and I think you know that as well as I do. But speaking for myself, I've developed a lot of pretty sexy defense mechanisms, but I don't feel like I have to use any of that with you. You have this you regulate my nervous system. Like I was nervous before I came here. I was like I have to impress this person. I don't have to impress you. You're effortlessly obviously sexy and you're fun to be with.
Speaker 4:Just what happens when people click? People are strange. You don't know who you can really trust and connect with. Nobody's going to be completely honest with you. That would get them thrown in jail or assassinated. So you have to trust your own instincts. What's this guy's angle? What's going on here? What's the game that's being played? And you know what that's like. You're an old soul. I think there's a philosopher under there, not just a pretty face. You're watching and observing. You know a lot of these people better than they know themselves.
Speaker 4:I could put you in charge of my other girlfriends. You're mad, but I'm going to love you, no matter how mad you get. I'm going to spank you, tickle you, pound you into submission. We're going to enjoy hate sex. It's going to turn into love sex, believe me, you'll see. And if it doesn't, I'll have egg on my face.
Speaker 4:Integrity is what matters more and more all the time. Respect is earned. Standards have to mean something. Standards are like boundaries they're meaningless if they're not enforced. Yeah, I just need solid people in my life. You can see kind of from how we carry ourselves. Like me, you're a little bit guarded, sometimes Guarded and grounded. You know your worth. You know how much treasure you have. People have tried to take it away or take advantage of your trust, so it takes a while to warm up. But the slow burn is what I like too. I like to rush it. I have to really get to know people. What can you do that would really impress me? I want to enjoy a home-cooked meal, a back massage. I want you to play some music for me. Write a song about me.
Speaker 4:I want to see you dance for me. I want to enjoy your service to me. Serve me Not just with the slowest and deepest, most loving blowjob of my life. All of that is going to happen as well. Let's feel good. Let's have fun. You have to feel bad all the time. We're here. To feel good Once. Feel good, that's all I want. Felt a lot of bad and now I want some good to make up for it. I'm gonna try the smorgasbord of good. I want to experiment. I'm gonna get out there, find out what I like. You're probably not gonna rope me to the bed, jack me up like in misery the first night. Sorry if that was the plan, but we have some good stories, I can tell. You have some crazy stories. Just the little hints that you drop. I love your style, the gestalt of it, the with-it-ness. I bet you know where North is. You know your cardinal directions. I am emotionally available. I can also keep it casual. Probably will. I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.
Speaker 4:I'm picky, definitely not a player. I've tried. That Doesn't really suit me, never felt right to me. It gets harder as I get older to find a really smoky connection. But yet at the same time I don't care so much about being liked, I'd rather be longed for, loved and all of that. Just leave me be. You don't have to be nice. Nice is not exactly what I'm into, although nice is going to get really nice.
Speaker 4:Your style, something about you. You're not like other people. There's no easy point of comparison. You're in your own league and it's cool. I want to find out how that works there. What about you would really blow me away. Impress me. What are you going to do? What are you going to say? That's going to make me say that it was the moment that I was won over by this beautiful young woman.
Speaker 4:I think it's chemistry. Chemistry is what makes life interesting. We are who we are through the eyes of others, and I like it when there's a little mystery there, a little poetry and paradox. Attraction isn't a choice, but it's the finest and edutainment is the most fun you can have and you can learn about yourself, and I've learned more through casual sex than many years of therapy. I love meeting a woman on my wavelength and I think you're pretty cool too. I like the mix of intensity and playfulness. Let's explore the city together. You're more than a pretty face. You also know about the Museum of Jurassic Technology. I've been there. Let's go somewhere else. Where's one of your spots? You show me yours, I'll show you mine.
Speaker 5:So there I was, darling in this oh-so-decadent American city. Well, they call it a city, but really it's all just bright lights and endless nonsense. But I suppose if one's going to experience the culture one must dive straight in. Yeah, not that I wasn't the absolute epicentre of sophistication all night, though, if I'm honest, I do think some of these locals find my European elegance a touch intimidating. Is that the word I'm looking for? At any rate, it all began at this club. Now, they'd have you believe it's a super exclusive lounge sort of affair, but if I'm honest, it was all just neon lights, flashing shapes and absolutely no charm. I was surrounded by what I can only describe as American blokes in ill-fitting suits, each trying to updo the other in sheer bravado. Really a pity, I mean. None of them even knew how to wear their cologne properly Smelled like they bathed in it. Poor dears, if someone lit a cigarette we'd all have been incinerated, which is fine if you're into that sort of thing.
Speaker 5:Of course, I attracted the most delicious attention. Naturally, this one chap, tall, dark, terribly American jawline, comes over, tries to tell me he's an investor. Now, I didn't exactly catch what he was invested in, but he did keep buying me drinks. I imagine he thought it was some kind of seduction ritual. Fascinating really, how they try to impress you over here. It's all a bit primitive, don't you think? Tarzan chic, I call it Anyway, as he's prattling on about his boats, or was it his motorbikes?
Speaker 5:My mind does wander, if I'm honest. I see this little kiffuffle, a fracas over in one corner, two women absolutely feral, scratching and shrieking over some ridiculous man who barely seemed aware of his surrounding. I simply stood there watching, thinking what a commentary on the sad state of modern relationships. Quite absurdist, really. Then, out of nowhere, someone's champagne glass flies through the air. I don't remember who threw it Precisely hard to keep track given the caliber of people around, but, darling, it landed right in my vicinity. I was mortified, truly, it could have ruined my handbag, at least theoretically so. So I moved a few feet back, as one does, had to make room for these people to sort out their drama. One should never get involved in American altercations. I think At this point the bloke from before did I mention his jawline. He leans in, probably expecting I'd be swept off my feet by his presence. He was all.
Speaker 4:I could protect you from that, you know.
Speaker 5:And I thought, from what precisely? Flying champagne, other errant projectiles? But, bless his heart, he seemed very pleased with himself. So I leaned in too, gave him a coy little smile and said oh, I bet you could. Because well, I bet you could, because well, I find it best to let these men think they're powerful. They need it. Poor things, ew, but this part you'll love. After that delightful bit of male gallantry, we left the club to find well, I suppose you could call it a street brawl Absolute chaos, grown men flinging their fists, yelling, sweating. I mean, I thought for a second I'd wandered onto the set of some absurd American action film. My gentleman friend, the one with the jawline, says Baby stay back, I'll handle this.
Speaker 5:Baby, stay back, I'll handle this, which is really quite darling of him but also a bit confusing, since he immediately starts hiding behind me, as if I, with my delicate British sensibilities, could somehow hold back the encroaching barbarian tide. Really, I just stood there like a bewildered duchess at a rodeo. Quite surreal by then, wouldn't you know it, a police car pulled up, a truly heavy-handed approach. I thought I remember trying to reason with one of the officers Explaining how terribly uncivilised it all was Really, beneath a city with so much potential. But he seemed to think I was, shall we say, part of the problem. At one point he said Go home.
Speaker 5:Which was so quintessentially American of him, wasn't it? I mean, who tells a woman like me to go home? But back to the evenings escalations. The investor bloke with the jawline. Such a dear, truly, after his own ham-fisted fashion, suggests. We go back to his place to, in his words avoid the riffraff the culture up close.
Speaker 5:Of course. We head back to his place, which was well grand in theory but in reality a bit tasteless, all gray and minimalist, no character, no warmth. I couldn't help but think does this man even own a single painting? At this point he tries to impress me with his collection of bourbons, which he explained in excruciating detail, couldn't quite follow. It was all something to do with aging and barrels, and you'll laugh.
Speaker 5:But I actually dozed off just a touch, just for a second. He didn't notice, of course, as he was too busy showing off his prized whiskey. I must have conked out momentarily to spare myself the convulsive giggle fits. Yeah, not unpleasant, that fleeting, hypnagogic sleep state. I woke up to him practically droning on about it. I don't even know so, in the spirit of politeness, I divided it to. I don't even know so. In the spirit of politeness, I divided it to, shall we say, change the energy. And he looked utterly shocked, like he'd never encountered a woman who takes charge.
Speaker 5:But here's the kicker. I didn't actually do anything at all, I just sat there with that look, you know the one. And suddenly he was very much at my service, if you will. They're so eager, aren't they? Very sweet, actually in a misguided way. Then, would you believe, his roommate walks in looking quite flustered like he'd walked in on something scandalous which, darling, he hadn't, because because, again, I was doing absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing, just existing. But the tension, oh it was palpable. You could see his poor little American brain trying to process the situation. Bless him, bless him. They just can't bear it, can they? So I simply got up, left the boys to discuss things amongst themselves and as I left I thought to myself ah, what an evening I have truly experienced the American nightlife. It's all quite tragic, really, how easily they fall to pieces over here, but I suppose that's what one gets, being me absolutely adored by the masses and yet simultaneously quite above it all.
Speaker 4:I don't know if leaders are born or made. I was suspected that I was born to be a leader. I know I was made a leader on the day I was born. As soon as I was out of the womb I became a democratically elected tyrant, Meaning that although I ran on a democratic election, it was right there in my platform.
Speaker 4:When I get elected, I am going to rule with an iron fist. I'm not going to care what anyone else thinks and you're going to live and die by my whims. And at the time people were so sick of the idiocy of the crowd and the unreliability of the collective hive mind of idiots that they thought this is a cute kid. We need an iron gardener. And he just oozes charisma. He's filling his diapers of molten charisma, like this kid is born with it. And I'm shocked at what I got away with.
Speaker 4:I led the country for a couple of decades and it was absolutely brutal. It was entirely selfish, sadistic, cruel. Sometimes I wondered if I had a heart, but I think my heart was that thing rejoicing in other people's suffering Pure charisma and schadenfreude. The father wound. I never knew my dad. Nobody else knew who he was either. At least my mom did. She wasn't telling.
Speaker 4:It ended badly. I was usurped, deposed. I was burned in effigy, but not physically. They tried to do that but I managed to get out. But I did not make it out with any of my stuff. I was out on the street. I was at loose ends packing cough.
Speaker 4:That never really went away. I was emaciated. I was malnourished. I was wearing hand-me-down clothes with somebody else's name written in the elastic waistband on my drawers and Sharpie, and I was out on the street. I wasn't even begging. I was hoping that I could magnetize myself and people would come help me. And they did. But they did not arrive to serve, which is what I'd been used to. They were not there to flatter me. They were there bearing pity, which is really two doors down from contempt.
Speaker 4:But at the time it was what allowed me to survive. First of all, the people that wanted me to eat something before I physically disappeared or lost my third dimension. Then there were the men who wanted to fill the father-shaped void in my life and they found that I couldn't change attire. I didn't really know how to take care of myself. They thought this once and future king could benefit from our mentorship. I became popular with women who needed projects. I was college-aged in a college town that put me in the top tiers. The men just the fact that I was that pathetic gave them something to work with. It wasn't just alcoholism and self-pity. I had real problems. I was a king and I lost all of that. How do you come back from that? Well, in this case I allowed everyone to believe that they were taking care of me while I was you guessed it topping from the bottom.
Speaker 4:I was learning the subtle arts of persuasion and seduction that I never needed before, because I just had everything I wanted handed to me since I was born. So I had some catching up to do. But I was a quick study. I managed to find people's weaknesses, insecurities, thumbscrews.
Speaker 4:I became very wise to human nature and human psychology and after a while I became a pretty damned effective seducer. A lot of that was knowing when to pull away, to hold them and to fold them, and sometimes to walk away, not to run, unless it was a serious, life-threatening situation. But most of the time I did it on purpose. I did it to create intrigue. I did it to give people the gift of missing me, to let my legend build in my absence. I was not around to explain myself. My habit of filling the air with words to break tension no longer worked against me, because I wasn't there to give too much information to be fascinated with me, and they were. My legend grew.
Speaker 4:My powers of seduction made my life very fun until it wasn't it got kind of lonely and I realized that I had become genuinely interested in people. And I realized that I had become genuinely interested in people. I kind of always wondered if I had a heart. Like I said, I was really just a cruel, black-hearted bastard, especially in like the age 2 to about age 8. And then I started to have some self-doubt after that. But I then experienced cognitive dissonance and just doubled down on the cruelty, but I didn't feel as good about it. I was starting to feel other things and now I was really aching to connect with people because I was ready to do it Deeply, sensitive, present.
Speaker 4:I really understood people. I was embodied, I was there, I was with you. I knew the places that you like to be touched. I knew how to tease you. I knew how to be gentle. I knew how to be present, passionate and patient and to hold you and help you weather your storms. I weathered it with you. Be strong, bring stillness into your lives so that you can enjoy your, your flow, and we could ride your chaos together. And I had other lovers besides you. But that wasn't really the point, if anything, and you reaped some of the benefit from that, because I was always getting better. I was always learning more. I was always becoming an even greater lover. I never would have accomplished that if I'd just been a little dictator my whole life. I need to get out into the world and get curious about other people. We are who we are in relation to others. It doesn't matter if we have a heart or not.
Speaker 4:If we can fake it and make people around us happy. That's about the best we can do. That's how I learned the art of charm and became a masterful networker, watched Bill Clinton very closely, imitated a lot of the things that he did His style of handshake, his use of your name, his ability to make you feel like the most important person in the world just by being curious about you Because you happen to be there at the time. He could be hanging out with anyone, but he's hanging out with you and so he is hanging out with you. He's not going to miss that opportunity. That's who I became. Because I was legitimately curious about people, I was able to easily manipulate them. Seems paradoxical, but such is life. I became quite wealthy, had some sales jobs early on and I made so much money on commissions that I bought the companies and sold them and bought nice cars and then sold those and bought a boat and sailed into international waters. That's where I started my creative artistic career.
Speaker 4:I became a glam rock musician, but that doesn't come anywhere close to covering it. I don't want to give it away. I don't like explaining my jokes, including non sequiturs. I don't like explaining my tragedies. I don't like explaining my art. You really need to see it. Unfortunately, all of the masters have been destroyed. All the records are out of print.
Speaker 4:I had an unfortunate incident where I was playing in a certain town back east that will remain unnamed and the wife and the son of the mayor died in a murder-suicide. I'm not sure which was which, but they were both in love with me and that came out as the reason that it happened. And somehow I instigated this and I had a reputation as a spellcaster, the same charisma that made me an effective baby king, and it was quite useful on stage. At first I was only playing for a couple of dozen people, but I would act like it was an arena show. Bring the house down. I'd spend every cent that I earned and then it would come right back to me, because that's how it works. That's circulation, that's flow, that's the circle, the dance, the square dance of life and death as they feed on each other. That was my artistic philosophy and every bit of it came across on stage and on screen and on vinyl.
Speaker 4:But after this incident, the murder-suicide in which I was unfairly implicated, I don't make these things happen. Attraction isn't a choice. You don't decide who you fall in love with or get obsessed with. I don't think that those two things have anything to do with each other, but I certainly didn't want this. I have much more sex coming in that I know what to do with. I try to have as much sex as possible in a short amount of time so I can keep it circulating. I never had sex with either of these people. I swear I absolutely did not. They developed feelings for me. I didn't ask them to do that. There wasn't much I could do about it. After it happened. I certainly didn't want them to kill themselves and the other person. The roles were reversed and I didn't want to get blamed for it. That was the last thing I wanted.
Speaker 4:The mayor was really mad. He was humiliated in front of his citizens, his subjects. One look at me and he knew he was never going to be the kind of leader that people had any real respect for. And he was mad, he was envious. He ran me out of town and then he kept me running. He was not going to drop this. He basically issued a fatwa and I had a bunch of people from a certain town known for its highly aggressive, lifelong residents who never leave this place and they all wanted to kill me. It's because they didn't even like the mayor. Like I said, they didn't respect him. His wife and his child were both in love with a weird touring musician. Something was missing. They felt neglected. I filled that void. This guy was neglecting his citizens, but they were not going to miss a chance to form a mob and murder someone. So they came after me just because that was the thing to do.
Speaker 4:It was a slow day, a Tuesday or a Wednesday, and I found that I couldn't write anymore. I couldn't do music anymore. I lost my interest in art. It was too much stress. Found that I couldn't write anymore. I couldn't do music anymore. I lost my interest in art. It was too much stress. I needed to work all of that out before I got back into any kind of creative work. So I got another boat with the money that I made. I sailed the Pacific, hugging the West Coast between Los Angeles and the Seattle area.
Speaker 4:I found it was easy to just authentically charm them. I had the experience of being a boy king, of being a wounded knafe, a babe in the woods who people wanted to take care of. I'd been a seducer. I'd been a true lover. I'd been a rock star and now I was just me and I found that that was more than enough. I had really charmed people the hardest when I wasn't even trying, when I just stopped all of the bee production. Then I found that I just got hard, naturally, because that's what people do. When you are left to your own devices, you know what to do. You've been doing this for time immemorial and I just found that I connected really easily with people. They found me naturally funny, without trying to be Down to earth. I'd even laugh at my own jokes and that didn't ruin them. That's a miraculous ability to have. It really says something about who I was.
Speaker 4:At that time. I of course got a big head, did some psychedelics to try to achieve ego death, but I ended up just feeling even better about myself. I became kind of a leader of that community. We don't believe in religion or science. We're just kind of reacting to things as we go along and we really think our gurus have it together and I became one of those and it was fine. I'd made a lot of money, had a lot of fans.
Speaker 4:Started to feel disgusted with myself after a while because I really don't know if I have a heart. I never quite figured that out. I don't really know what I believe. I think life is an artistic project. I think the purpose of art is to provoke. Find out what you have to say. Just start by saying something provocative. Find out which consensus opinions annoy you the most. Just get out in the street and make some noise, and that's what I did. I ended that part of my career as the opposite side of where I started. I went from the authoritarian tyrant to the rebel, the anarchist, the outcast by choice. I was something to say that people aren't ready to hear, but they definitely get off on the fact that he has what it takes to say it.
Speaker 4:He's willing to go all in taking risks just for the hell of it, because he knows security is a lie and there's no excuse for compromising freedom and the only good things that come come from risk. And if you come, you're taking a risk and that's sexy. You want to make better or bad decisions. Get comfortable with a certain amount of risk. I nailed lists of grievances to the doors of institutions. I challenged the leaders, the bureaucrats and the boy kings. That kind of reminded me of myself way back. I barely remember any of that stuff. It's like a slideshow. It's like somebody else told me about that. My reign was well documented, so I know all that stuff happened. I'm doing research on somebody else. I'm not trying to defer the guilt. Obviously I've changed my whole ethos. Now I want to burn it all down, starting with that child that I was at the time. Now I'm an angry teenager in the body of an adult man. I want to shake things up. I want to bring things down. I don't know what comes after that. Probably more hierarchy. People want to shake things up. I want to bring things down. I don't know what comes after that. Probably more hierarchy. People want to be told what to do. I told them what to do and then I told them to stop doing what people told them.
Speaker 4:My career as a provocateur, as a rebel, as a rake, as a roustabout, as I was making the party scene at the time A lot of stuff was illegal. I made fun illegal when I was a kid because I was mad, I didn't feel like I was getting invited to anything and decided that people should stop having fun and start shoveling dirt for me so I could watch them do it. Now I wasn't going to shovel dirt anymore. I wasn't going to watch anyone else shovel dirt. So I told them to stop doing what they were told. And then we had really good sex. I gave them more than they wanted in that regard, which just upped the threshold, and they kept coming back and thoroughly debasing themselves to beg for more what I would call mutually degrading sex. I was certainly the dominant partner, but I think we both humbled ourselves. Sex is where we hide things, but all was revealed in those sessions.
Speaker 4:But after that, what was left? I had seen all sides of the human condition. I couldn't make people snap out of their act. There were myopic purists and partisans who could only see one side that they identified with. They didn't recognize that, as beauty is powerful, power is beautiful. It did so much damage in their fear and misunderstanding and refusal to acknowledge their own inherent violence and ugliness which, if they had gotten to know it the way that I got to know my lovers in a time when I cared deeply about other people they would understand. That's really the only hope. It's our only route to real beauty and ecstasy.
Speaker 4:Beyond seduction, beyond the theater, beyond the dance, beyond the games, the infinite game, the game of life, the game that we're already winning and we don't even know it yet. We're all on the same squad and in the end we just dissolve back into the universal consciousness that we came from. Ecstatic lovers. Until the end of time, which is also the beginning, none of that ever happened. I didn't tell you about any of this. You didn't hear anything from me. Let's pretend we don't know each other. That's kind of sexy. We'll pretend we're strangers that stumbled into this high-end hotel lounge. We'll awkwardly introduce ourselves and let the seduction process begin as we reveal information, perhaps involving some international intrigue, some mystery, perhaps large sums of money, but mainly seduction. Lust, envy, passion, derangement, temptation, fire in the loins, fire in the groin, fatal fantasies, fire in the groin, fatal fantasies, explosive chemistry, experiments, playing, serious games, the dark and the light, the in and the out. If you're good for me, I'll treat you like you're bad, make love to you like I hate you. Hi, I just couldn't help but say hello, the most intriguing looking person I've seen on this trip, and that's for at least three reasons. I'm not going to tell you what they are yet, still rank ordering them. Thank you. I am thoroughly intrigued, a bit flummoxed, perhaps already a bit enamored.
Speaker 4:This is not at all what I anticipated from a week-long silent retreat. I came here to detox. I came here to go deep and work on myself and perhaps emerge loving myself Some of the places that I was hurt, at least having had a direct experience of my own pain. This is not pain as I understand it. I've developed a very strong connection with one of the other retreats. We don't know each other's names or anything about each other, really, but the vibe for lack of a better word is overpowering. We try desperately to avoid eye contact, not only succeeding, but we're mirroring each other's movements. I breathe out, she breathes in and vice versa. We are in sync, we are in harmony, but also in friction, almost at war with each other. It's like no other relationship I've ever had, with not a word spoken, and I'm resistant to it because I know how my heart works and I know how these things tend to work, and this is exactly what I came here to unlearn.
Speaker 4:But as Tuesday night bleeds into Wednesday morning, I find this sizzling skillet that we're dancing around on together is, in fact, larger than I anticipated, and a third party has joined in, someone I feel that I know even less about, but that's part of the fun. We're creating an asafall, a mastermind, a community of those with nothing in common the three of us. The intensity is overwhelming. I think the others must notice. Surely, if they don't, what else would they not notice? How can they get their shoes tied in the morning?
Speaker 4:Although hierarchies are subverted by this code of silence, we don't have the opportunity to jockey for position directly or manipulate each other using language. However, power dynamics remain in play. We take turns, having mind sex with each other. Who's on top and who's on the bottom is an open question, and the conflict that arises is more pure and thus more dangerous, potentially explosive, than the sort of thing that's mediated or mitigated by passive-aggressive reassurances that everything is okay. Everything is decidedly not okay. We're in a standoff. It's like the end of Reservoir Dogs or psychic sex.
Speaker 4:At one point I sensed that I have a gift to give to the world, starting with this. One other person the original woman, I believe seduced me, although I don't know that I could convince a jury of that and it may not be fair to hold her accountable. I may simply be flattering myself, but I just poured all of my psychological energy into that connection Lava flowing into a canal, holding a magnifying glass to the sun, burning this one node, this connection. For all that, it's worth to see what it does, to see what happens with this chemical reaction. And I'm pretty sure I made her come for me with my mind. I would put money on that. I don't think I'm flattering myself. I've seen people fake it.
Speaker 4:This was unmistakable and disruptive to the rest of the group to the extent that I think, although no words were spoken in the silent retreat that I'm aware of, some people may have had unauthorized sidebars. However, it did not take the use of language for our reputations to develop and swell somewhat, and I began to be psychologically approached by other members of the group Offers. They came bearing gifts. They flattered me in such a way that I knew there was an expectation attached. Was I being recruited into some sort of movement? Were they attempting to channel my power for the collective good or for their own devices or their own ends? Was I being set up? That plunges me back into memories of middle school.
Speaker 4:I was love hungry right from the beginning. In a couple of separate incidents, my classmates would behave in such a way that I could reasonably assume that they found me attractive, had romantic designs that they were interested in pursuing, and then, as soon as I reciprocated, they would violently pull the rug out, exposing the ruse, leaving me humiliated, angry, distrustful, unable to express my most basic feelings of affection for people without being overwhelmed by fear. And so many missed opportunities, so many people who took two steps in my direction only to have me take four steps away because I assumed the worst of anyone who seemed to like me. I did not want to know anyone who wanted to know me, and that's a sad and lonely state of affairs, if not atypical for contemporary Los Angeles less of the 405, but that's not where I was. I was in a beautiful natural setting stars well visible at night, the air clean, our minds a bit dizzy and giddy as a result of the high elevation. And here I am stuck in decades old insecurity and distrust, as if stuck in traffic on a 405 or the 110. I meditate so hard that I break through all resistance, I break through all expectations and assumptions and limiting beliefs about what I think is possible, and I break on through to the other side, and now, as of that moment, I genuinely don't care anymore. Some of the most fascinating women in the world are throwing themselves at me and I do not care.
Speaker 4:I've lost several jobs. I've spent money that I didn't have, only to have it replenish itself overnight, as if by magic, using Bobby Kahn's continuous cash flow system. I have traveled the world. I've started several successful businesses that I've sold at a massive profit. I've started many failed businesses. I don't know if they made the world worse or better, or if it was a wash. I simply don't care. I'm detached not just from the outcome, but from the process, from the very experience of life. Yes, I'm experiencing it more immediately than ever before.
Speaker 4:I barely talk at all, which tends to benefit me in every conceivable way. I'm taken much more seriously. I do have something to say. People are highly attentive because it's not what they're used to. They're used to my silence, which I maintain, not by design, not as a strategy, not even as an affectation. I simply have nothing to say about most things. I genuinely do not care anymore about anything, except a couple of things. I'm not going to tell you what those are. I don't care to divulge information that I'm not sure that you need to have. I don't necessarily trust you not to use it against me. And that's healthy. It doesn't exacerbate my loneliness. I'm enforcing my boundaries and I'm taking care of myself without even thinking about it, because it is no longer a challenge.
Speaker 4:It is as if I forgot. I forgot how to do it and anything that comes along, good or bad. Whether it's that coma I was in, whether it's the racehorse that attacked me. Whether it's my rival racehorse that won me millions of dollars and empowered me to take care of my friends and family as long as they could possibly need it. Whether it's the philosophical turn that inspired me to provoke my friends and family to make something happen for themselves and give them a little scare, and then, of course, come back in with the assistance as soon as I was not certain that they would always need it, as soon as I knew that their creativity and in fact not atrophy, that their survival skills were as good as new.
Speaker 4:I don't care about any of this, it's liberating. It's weird. I don't know what to make of it. I'm having all kinds of sex Mind sex, body sex, interdimensional soul sex. It's not that it doesn't mean anything. Of course it does, because I can appreciate the full depth and beauty and poetry and hideousness and danger and the menace of it all so much more richly, all of a piece, and I just don't care. And I don't care about that and I don't care to explain it and I'm not burdened with overthinking it. I broke on through and I don't care. And now everything is happening at once, which would have been overwhelming before, but now, well, you know, k-chung Los.
Speaker 4:Angeles 1630, a kchungradioorg on the World Wide Web. This is Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, LA's number one avant-garde personal development program, home of Ask a Sadist, proudly sponsored by the First Church of the Satanic Buddha, birthplace and habitat of bite-sized erotic thrillers. My name is Emerson Dameron. I'm the writer, producer, host everything. I love you personally. Levity saves lives Outro Music.
