Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
LA’s #1 avant-garde personal development program. I'm Emerson Dameron. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
The home of Ask a Sadist, Bite-Sized Erotic Thrillers, and the First Church of the Satanic Buddha. Levity saves lives.
Regularly scheduled episodes premiere on the first Wednesday of the month on KCHUNG Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
I'm Always Right About You
Welcome to your moment of reckoning. In this electrifying episode of Emerson Dameron’s Medicated Minutes, the avant-garde motivational maestro dissects your inner psyche with razor-sharp precision, uncovering truths you didn’t even know you were hiding.
🌀 Highlights Include:
- Emerson Knows You: Through incisive banter and eerily accurate cold reads, Emerson illuminates your desires, fears, and the hidden gears driving your life.
- No Second Chances: The rules are for suckers, and the meek inherit nothing. This life is your one shot—what will you make of it?
- Sex and Power and Power and Sex: Everything is about sex, except sex itself—because sex is about power. And power? That’s where life gets interesting.
- Kink Is Everywhere: Modern human behavior decoded: we’re all just playing out our kinks, whether we admit it or not.
- Gems of Wisdom: Tactical advice and life-altering insights to help you upgrade your existence—before everyone else does.
- You’re on the Verge: Emerson senses the shift in you. This is your time. What will you conquer?
And, returning by popular demand:
🌹 Helena the Brit: In her latest scandalous vignette, "Helena’s Beautiful Dark Twisted Relationship," she invites you into her tangled web of erotic misadventure.
Don’t just listen. Absorb. Transform. Emerge. This episode is your invitation and permission slip to take life by the reins and ride it like you mean it.
🎧 Tune in now. The revolution starts within.
Got something to say to me? Slide into the DMs.
Check out "Helena the Brit Goes to Sub Space" on your platform of choice.
Be careful what you put up with. Tolerance leads to resentment. Pity is two doors down from contempt. Familiarity doesn't necessarily breed contempt. Festering familiarity does. A little bit of absence can make the heart grow fonder. Don't play hard to get unless you know that you've become hard to forget. If you want long-term love, it requires penetration with passion and intimacy, the kind of thing you only learn through practice and repeatedly screwing up, which, if you weather the storm and handle it in the right way and know what you care about, know what you love and hold it while it cries, leads to all the penetration and screwing you could possibly want. Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes is LA's number one avant-garde personal development program. Medicated-minutescom Episodes premiere first Wednesdays of the month, 7 o'clock pm on K-Chung, los Angeles, 1630 am K-Chungioorg. I am Emerson Dameron, the writer, producer, host et al for Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes. I love you personally.
Emerson Dameron:Levity saves lives. You want quality entertainment in your life. You love the drama, the theater. You, of all people could not live without suspense, intrigue, conflict. You know you want it. You'll create it out of whole cloth if that's what it takes, but you don't need to because it's all around you.
Emerson Dameron:Just look, listen, look in these people's eyes? What are their angles? How much do you really know anyone? How much do you really know me? Oh, that was supposed to be a burn. Oh, and that was supposed to be an impression of my voice. I'm just gonna go hang out over here at the bar. Find someone cool. Oh, now you want to be serious. What's on your mind?
Emerson Dameron:Tell me a story. I know what this is about. This has to do with an adventure, or lack thereof, in your life. It's either too much or not enough, and too much is never enough. Maybe, but hear me out. What if it was the same thing, but with more explosions? Yes, I knew it.
Emerson Dameron:You love violence. You're just like me, but you have the unfortunate habit of deceiving yourself. Yeah, I know all about you, because everyone is just like me. It's just that I'm the only one who's honest about it. That's right. You have all of my filthy characteristics. I have your number. Your position of moral superiority and judgment is meaningless to me because I know exactly who you are and I can see right through you and your denial and your hypocrisy and your self-delusion is just pathetic. A threshold of self-delusion is necessary to get through the day, but yours is out of control.
Emerson Dameron:We need an adventure. We need to do something crazy. We need to stay up late. We need to shut down this bar and then go find a 4am-er and shut that down and then rob a gas station One of the ones that's 24 hours. We can get the people who work there to help us bag everything up. We don't even need the money. I know you're flush with cash, but we need some excitement. We need a reason to head for the state line and try to get across it without getting caught, and then go find a nice island nation with no extradition treaty. Let's face it, we're never going to do that unless we're properly incentivized, so hence, let's get on the wrong side of the law. Maybe you've already done that.
Emerson Dameron:I like to think you're not buying what I'm selling. I'm going to tickle you until you buy something. I'm going to give you such pure, raw, uncut entertainment that you physically cannot suppress your own laughter. And it's not the big ha-ha-ha laughter that you want people to notice. This is the involuntary, giggling laughter. What did you know about me before we met? I didn't know anything about you and I didn't ask around Because I like the mystery. I like unboxing videos. I wanted to do that with you and I didn't ask around. I like the mystery, I like unboxing videos. I wanted to do that with you. What did you know about me? Oh well, I wouldn't call myself a cad that would be bragging or a player. I don't think that really describes me either. If I'm a player, it's of the infinite game where everyone wins and no one wins and it goes on forever.
Emerson Dameron:Because the goal is to perpetuate the game, because that's how good it is. You say that now. I think you're telling on yourself. I think everything you say is a confession Disguised as an allegation, and you don't even know that yet. That's what's fascinating about it. You have no idea of the dimensions you contain, the multitudes. Your own complexity makes you dizzy. You're cute when you're confused. I'm glad you got lost. It's how you ended up here.
Emerson Dameron:I won't argue with the assertion that I don't like being told what to do. Never have Not by anyone, even if they know what they're doing better than I do. I resent it. It's patronizing. I'd rather figure it out for myself. I'd rather wake up in the morning and do exactly what I want throughout the day, what I want, when I want, with whom I want, how I want. That's the only meaningful definition of success. I'm gonna do who I want later on. You think it's you. I like your confidence. Now I am creating a new sort of masculinity. I am the vanguard of it. It's important to keep some of the rough stuff that has been lost in some of the previous innovation cycles. Rough sex will save the world If we funnel all of our evil into the sex act. It's gonna be fun. We will find willing partners and enthusiastic partners. We can be the sadists and masochists that we know we are. It will not involve wars or lawsuits.
Emerson Dameron:Oh yeah, some people aren't ready. I don't know how much we have to evolve, but I'm gonna go ahead and start ideating on this new masculinity right now. It combines a lot of different elements you might not think would go together, full of surprises, and a lot of it's just me Postmodern, rogue, jetsetting playboy of the 21st century. I said I'm not a player, but I like to remind people that I have an active lifestyle and I don't have time to get invested in anything where I have to memorize a bunch of lore. That means wrestling, game of Thrones. I only got into Lord of the Rings because I was a kid and I had a lot of free time. And, yes, some of it is ADHD, some of it is mortal fear of commitment. A lot of it's just that I'm not even busy. I like to stay active, I like to stay on my feet, I like to get my heart pumping. Most people when they're trying to walk with me invariably interesting people in one way or another.
Emerson Dameron:Yeah, ultimately, I think there's freedom in being deliberate about one's commitments, but freedom itself is a commitment. I'm committed to my freedom and yours, including your freedom of choice, which includes the option of giving up your freedoms, which you might want to do in a sexual context. It's possible. I don't know. You stood out right away. You, like me, are the only person in your social group that would say these things. Even off the record, I don't think they even think them. You know what I?
Emerson Dameron:was lying before. I don't think everyone is just like me. I think you might be. I don't know about everyone else. I think they're too limited perhaps, or they just extend in other directions that I'm not familiar with. They've cultivated their own facets that are different from mine and more power to them. I do believe in variety and diversity of all kinds. I miss the days before. Being friends meant you had to agree with people about everything. I'm bringing that back because I am digging your action. I love hanging out with you, but boy, you're wrong about things in fascinating ways.
Emerson Dameron:And so am I. We're all wrong about everything all the time. We just have to be wrong in ways that are useful or fun. There are things you are not yet ready to know about me, and vice versa, I'm sure, and I'd like to know what you're still hiding. Oh, you wouldn't say that if it was true. No, I have not ferreted out all of the interesting facts about you, and these might not even be facts as traditionally understood. These might be feelings, hauntings, demons deep within drums in the deep. We can talk about it all tomorrow night. I got us on the Goodyear Blimp. Yes, you should be profoundly grateful.
Emerson Dameron:I don't accept blowjobs within a week of the Goodyear Blunt Rides. Otherwise I feel like my integrity is up for question. I'm opening myself up to being compromised. Now you cannot blow me, however much you want to. You can bang for it for a week, and then I might let you do it after that. If you do some other things too, I have a list of things I need to get done. I have time for all of these things myself. Scrubbing the baseboards, light data entry oh. Washing my car yes, I'm gonna watch you do that, right, because my time is spent watching. Therefore, I don't have that time to wash the car myself. I might help if you make it look really appealing. Yeah, tom Sawyer, it See what you got.
Emerson Dameron:Oh, after that you will enter a different world and we will go in hand in hand. It's the one I'm familiar with. A whole new world for you. Enough will be different for it to be somewhat disorienting, sort of like a dream. It is the den in your childhood home and yet it's clearly not. Yeah, oh, you don't need passports. There will be bowls of peanuts on the tables which we will eat standing, and you can just drop the peanut shells right on the floor and grind them into dust with your heels. Something told me you were into that. I am always right about you. Never forget it. I don't love you. I don't need you to love me. I love myself. It's better, I find, to be high on myself and wrong than down on myself and right.
Emerson Dameron:It's important to understand one's own weaknesses to the extent that it makes it easier to toughen up and to relax and not take it so seriously. Solve the problem, get that weakness out of your system and love yourself. You know you're the kind of person who can do that. Love yourself irrationally, ridiculously. Write love letters to yourself. Fall of hyperbole, get on your own jock and stay there. Anyone who disrespects you relish the opportunity to throw that person overboard. Because you're the captain of the ship and that's because you know what you're doing.
Emerson Dameron:You look around. You see. Most people don't know what they're doing. Most people are so far off from having any idea what they're doing. They assume positions of power that they're not qualified for and what you want to do is step back, see the angles above the angles like it's a pool table and strategize. Don't take people at their word. Don't take things at face value. Who benefits? People at their word? Don't take things at face value. Who benefits? What's the angle here? Why is this person doing this thing? What do they stand to gain? They could just be a loose cannon. Don't assume they know what they're doing. It's a really excellent chance that they don't.
Emerson Dameron:There's a difference between malice and incompetence. There's also a point where they bleed into each other incompetence. There's also a point where they bleed into each other, and that's where ruthless ice-cold strategists are so badly needed in this world. Who cares if somebody thinks they need you? You don't have to worry about the rules. They're not enforced. It's a stupid honor system. The rules are for suckers. Most people are so beaten down and so afraid and so defined by their own learned helplessness. They just obey the rules, follow their training, just made them good servants and slaves and bitches.
Emerson Dameron:You don't have to be like that. You can see through it. You can pretend to be like that. That helps you get inside and get what you want. You can do anything you want. This is your life. These other people are supporting characters. This is your story. You're never going to regret loving yourself too much and having too much fun, or doing what you want to do, how you want to do it, with whom you want to do it. When you want to do it, do it to it. Feel it deep down inside. That's what the world wants and needs. Who cares? It's about what you want and need. If it feels good to be powerful, do that. If it feels good to be smacked around and dominated, do that. You can do it on your own time. You can do it whenever. Just do it and make it big. This is all you get. The meek inherit nothing. What are you going to do now, bitch? The name Zara means a lot to me. The name Zara means a lot to me.
Emerson Dameron:There are a number of topics that we routinely cover here on Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, including sex, power, psychology, philosophy, self-help, satanic, buddhism, drugs, other things. But you can really just say sex and power, and I think that pretty much covers the rest of them. Oscar Wilde famously said Everything is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. Power is also about sex. It's powerful enough to land Oscar Wilde in prison, pretty much ruin his life.
Emerson Dameron:Power and sex are enmeshed, to say the least. If you are not getting the sex and power that you want, it's going to be physically painful. Your brain's going to be pumping out cortisol much as it pumps out the happy drugs when things are going well on those fronts see drugs also included your brain makes the uncut dope to end it all. If you get some bad stuff, it's going to hurt physically, and that can happen when you are not having sex and you are out of power, because in both cases you are deprived of connection, you're alienated. Having a certain amount of power is the way to connect with your folks, to find the others. Sex is really a little bit of everything. It's good stuff. If you get some power, you might be willing to throw it away If you could get some choice peach cobbler instead.
Emerson Dameron:Sex is intimacy, romance, it's danger and play it's the life force itself. God, almost the higher power, although you wouldn't want sex as your higher power if you were in sex and love addicts and even in other 12-step programs. It is somewhat iffy, but it is a lot more powerful than God or Buddha or Johnny Cash or whoever your higher power is. Willie Nelson is the only higher power that might be in competition, but I'm sure he enjoys sex as well. It's an exuberant celebration of human creativity. At its best it's a lot of different things in one go. If you're doing it well, you can try to kill it with false morality, hypocrisy and cynicism, and then you can act surprised when the rest of your life becomes a kinky, degrading, disgusting scat fest. Like it or not, power is hot. Sex is sexy. Power is powerful. Sex is powerful.
Emerson Dameron:Some people get off on power and always will. Some people will enjoy disproportionate power dynamics. Perhaps in their professional lives they will be expected to be in control all the time, and when they get home they might want the inverse of that. They might want to let go. They might want to be instructed to count down from a hundred every time they get spanked. Or they might want to mess around with the power dynamics in their professional or academic lives, because that is danger. Danger is exciting as well as dangerous. It can really blow up in your face. Put a pin in that we're going to get back to it. People are going to screw their TAs and write novels about it. It's what the song Maggie Mae is about, I believe, if I'm reading it correctly.
Emerson Dameron:The thing is, it seems like people maybe are done with sex for the time being. When it's been in the news recently, it's mostly been bad. It's been about abuse of power, people mixing sex and alcohol, or sex and proclivities that perhaps they should have kept repressed. I at one point was suspicious that a lot of this had to do with just the sheer volume of pornography around for the last couple of decades. But statistics do not bear that out. That's not why there's the erectile dysfunction. People aren't having sex. There's more to it. I was suspicious just because I think if you are using porn as a substitute for sex, you are truly missing out. They are not that similar People aren't having sex as much anymore. Statistically. We're not entirely sure why. It's obviously a confluence of factors and it's a shame.
Emerson Dameron:Sex is nothing to be ashamed of. It's powerful, as we mentioned. It's fun. It is the ultimate physical comedy. It's joyous physical comedy. I suppose having a stroke or cardiac arrest would be also a dark form of physical comedy. But sex is hilarious if you're doing it right. For me, it generally gets better as it goes on. The first time is usually the worst time, so we should make sex a regular thing. I've been struggling to use the bully pulpit of Emerson Dameron's medicated minutes to get people having sex again. I still believe that rough sex can save the world. If we're not working out those kinks in the bedrooms, in the dungeons and the alleys behind our favorite dive bars, we're going to work them out Wars, fraud, subterfuge, passive-aggressive behaviors, hurting, controlling, manipulating one another and that does seem to be happening. I think there's much to learn from the kink and poly communities.
Emerson Dameron:Yes, they have a lot of rules. It is front-loaded with a lot of information to absorb a lot of terminology. It has a nerdy Bay Area vibe to it. They take it seriously. That's what that's about. They are playing with dynamite. They are aware of this.
Emerson Dameron:Sex is powerful. People get hurt Sometimes when you mix sex and power dynamics. Even with the best of intentions, people catch feelings and those feelings get hurt and you have to deal with that. I would say on a case-by-case basis. Understand we're not always going to come out of that looking good and to have some patience with that. Most relationships end in disappointment, more than half.
Emerson Dameron:If I was a betting man which I am in some sort of bitterness and recrimination, at least temporarily. I don't have an easy solution for that. I personally think that monogamy is unworkable for a lot of people. I think it was created by royals to stifle peasant revolts around the advent of agriculture. If it works for you, I encourage it. Do whatever works. If you even know what that is, I'm still figuring it out myself. I've been in relationships where I just wasn't interested in anyone else. I'm kind of an obsessive personality. Sometimes I get really, really into a particular person's pheromones and their whole gestalt, and that's just what I'm into. I get fully immersed. Sometimes it's a bell curve, sometimes the sex is not so great. The first time, first time jitters.
Emerson Dameron:Getting to know how someone's wired up takes some time and then it gets really good. And then buck wild off the chain and you are really into each other for lots of reasons, including that and other things that you have in common and, in contrast, complementary characteristics and interests. You are learning from each other and interested in something because your partner is interested in it. It's going well, you're cooking with gas, so you decide to make it a serious thing. Sometimes people get married. I did it once. I don't drink anymore, so I don't know if I'm going to be getting married again. I would have to say no, but it does happen. Sometimes people have kids. I've never wanted kids. I think the world needs exactly one of me, so I have a vasectomy, so I don't have to worry about that. Nobody's gonna twist my arm or turn out the heat on me. I am not gonna have kids.
Emerson Dameron:I'm Emerson Pendammer III. There will not be a fourth, unless it's a cat or an orchid. And after a while these things come together cat or an orchid. And after a while these things come together and you get some familiarity, which can be good, but can also be an alternative to seeking out something new and thus frightening but also potentially pleasurable. Familiarity can be the pain that you know, which can be a retreat from the pleasure that is unknown. Note the word family in familiar.
Emerson Dameron:It's not always a happy place and eventually the honeymoon just burns out. Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt. Sometimes the desire just fades. Sometimes it's logistics. The kids are time consuming, the career is taking off, the emphasis is on that. You put off having sex, you eat a large meal, watch three hours of Netflix. After all that it's a chore. You're not really bringing your creativity anymore. And it's not malice, it's not contempt, it's not disrespect. Sometimes we just don't know why. We went from wanting to screw each other nearly to death, like our lives depended on it, to getting it over with. Our theoretical couple still love each other. They're lovable people. They want to take care of each other. They are both frustrated and ashamed that they're not having fun with this anymore, and when they look around at all of this they don't know why exactly, but it does not seem to be working. None of this fits together in a way that is supportive of the lives that they want for themselves and the other and each other.
Emerson Dameron:I was formerly an ad man by trade and I can tell you that people like authority and there's been a decline in reliable authority with any sort of power that is widely considered legitimate. We're now all living in our own little worlds where there are authorities that can be just wildly illegitimate, and the more that the people in the other worlds throw rocks at our authorities, the more that we cling to them out of cognitive dissonance, which is what happens when you believe something that's demonstrably untrue and somebody starts blowing shotgun holes in it in a way that makes you feel stupid. Believe it all the more you double down. So there's some of that, but there's a lack of legitimate, credible, agreed upon, benevolent authority. The advertising industry did at one point during the 20th century, step in and very consciously adopt that role. You can watch the documentary Century of the Self for a collage interpretation of what happened there. Edward Bernays, a relative of Sigmund Freud, was at the forefront, got women to start smoking cigarettes. They started a war, multiple wars. Brilliant guy, founder of the industry where I made my bones for many years. That certainly shaped my worldview. An industry where people are very interested in things like behavioral experiments on apes and the way that dogs are trained and how to push people's buttons in ways that they won't notice. I activate those aforementioned powerful brain drugs and they've largely succeeded.
Emerson Dameron:You have been lied to, you have been manipulated, you've been sold a bill of goods. It hurts to acknowledge that because we want to think that we have free will and that we know everything and that we're making well-informed choices, because if we don't believe that, it gets hard to get our shoes tied in the morning. But it's simply not the case. Free willy is a bigger part of your life than free will. And that's how capitalism got to this violent, scorched earth state where it's at right now, where it just became anything and everything and it took the place sex power. The entire human condition is just a hustle. I live in Los Angeles. Maybe that's not true where you are. I hope not. Sex became a chore. Passive aggression became the way that we communicate. Manipulation, dread. Saying things with plausible deniability that also have four different meanings becomes a pain in the ass to call each other out. Sad to say, sex seems to be going down with that ship.
Emerson Dameron:Jack Morin, in his book the Erotic Mind, came up with an equation Desire plus obstacles equals sexual excitement. Sometimes we make things hard on ourselves for that reason in that realm and others. Sometimes that can be you against the adversity. We need friction to spark lust to have amazing, mind-blowing hate sex. I recommend it highly, especially to people in relationships, because that's a good way to get out some of that frustration that is going to build when you spend a lot of time in proximity to someone.
Emerson Dameron:We also need comfort. That's what makes the exuberance and the playfulness and the laughter, the experimentation possible. That's what makes it work. We need to see that we've been lied to to hear it, smell it, taste it, feel it, know it intuitively and then help each other heal, which could take a while, maybe just get comfortable for that Plan on the healing taking who knows how long Does it really matter? It might involve psilocybin mushrooms, in which case when you're in there it will feel like it has always been like this and will always be like this, and yet you know that it's going to be over in four hours.
Emerson Dameron:And when that happens, do the next thing, which is scary, which is help each other reclaim power.
Emerson Dameron:No matter how frightening it is, we are scared of our own true power and agency.
Emerson Dameron:We enjoy the freedom that is sold to us by our ersatz authorities, because our real freedom is quite terrifying, much more so than the simulacrum, but we're going to have to deal with it regardless.
Emerson Dameron:We are in an age of discontinuity. All bets are off, no one is ready for what has already happened and simultaneously all that was hidden is becoming seen and we are becoming aware of how things work in the Rube Goldberg machine, what free will really is, which is a convenient illusion to get us in harmony with the rhythms of nature in the world. We are not qualified to save nature, but it might save us if we can harmonize with it and also start having great sex again. That is really just the beginning, but I would say a necessary prerequisite for shaking hands, saying how do you do in a way that meaningfully implies I love you and also gets us off. Talking about cascading orgasms, which I have a history of providing, past performance is no guarantee of future results. I'm putting that out there because that is the spirit of candor and rigor and intellectual honesty that the listeners of Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes have come to expect and demand.
Helena the Brit:Thank you. Right, so there was this bloke. Let's call him Sebastian, shall we? He was oh how do I put it? Intensely magnetic, like he had that look. You know that posh, tortured artist slumming at Vibe, always in leather jackets, brooding around with his tousled hair and mysterious stubble Absolute godsend. I thought we met in this art gallery. Naturally he was holding a cigarette even though they're totally verboten endorsement Just standing there all suave with his smoke, smirking at a sculpture, like he knew some deep secret about it that the rest of us couldn't possibly understand. So I'm thinking that's the man I need to be with. I should have known then that he was well a bit different, but I thought it was just all part of his allure. So when he invited me back to his place that night, obviously I said yes.
Helena the Brit:This flat was one of those dimly lit, moody little setups with no proper lighting and only like black curtains. Everything was dark, wood and leather. He was into aesthetic, minimalism, or whatever he called it. I was in awe. You know the way he just didn't care about brightness or joy or anything he called it. I was in awe, you know the way he just didn't care about brightness or joy or anything remotely uplifting. He was like, beyond all that, Anyway, things progressed.
Helena the Brit:Obviously we got close, well, physically close, if you catch my drift, but I mean the way he'd speak to me. He had this way of making everything feel so intent, like he'd grab my chin and say things like you're mine now, aren't you Helena? And it was thrilling, I'll admit. Nobody'd ever looked at me like I was something they owned, something precious they could just you hold on to and use. I thought, oh, isn't that romantic, like who doesn't want a bit of possession. But he had these little um quirks right. He liked to push me not just emotionally but physically. I remember one night he had me pinned against the wall and he stage-whispered If you ever leave me, you will regret it.
Helena the Brit:And I'm standing there totally starry-eyed, thinking he's just being passionate. I mean, in the moment it was so intense, like something out of a Bronte novel. But thinking back it was suppose you'd call it unsettling. He'd always go a bit too far with his words, his touch. There were moments he'd have this gleam in his eye like he could just snap. Then I'd just laugh it off, thought it was all part of his charm. Of course, if I left I would regret it. He's a dream come true, oh. And so territorial. The way he'd isolate me. He'd say things like no one understands you, Helena, Not the way I do. And he'd make it sound so romantic.
Helena the Brit:He had this way of making me feel like I was some lost soul and he was the only one who could find me. He even insisted I stop seeing my friends, Said they didn't get us, didn't appreciate our connection, Told me they were all just jealous. And I believed him, Thought yeah, they're probably just envious of our passion. How see, right, Girlish. And then there were the darker things. Like he had these little rituals. He'd bring out this red scarf, sometimes tie it around my wrists, saying it symbolized our unity or some other poetic nonsense. But I remember one night he just kept pulling it tighter and tighter and I was sitting there thinking this is all so deep, so intense, like some sort of performance art right here in my living area. But at some point I could barely feel my hands and he just looked at me with that smirk of his and said You'll do anything for me, won't you baby?
Helena the Brit:It felt like more of a statement than a question and oh, I just nodded, because what else does one do in that sort of situation? I probably would have done anything for him, wouldn't have even thought about it, had he not been so tragically tactless as to rub my face in it like that. One time I even sat outside his door for what an hour just waiting for him to let me in in the cold, because he said he needed to see my devotion. I thought it was a test of love, thought it was all very grand, very tragic heroin. Anyway, when it was over, we got. Thought it was all very grand, very tragic heroine. Anyway, when it was over, we got it on like feral rodents.
Helena the Brit:Looking back, I suppose it was um, well strange, maybe even a bit much. My friends would try to tell me he was controlling or manipulative. They'd say things like Helena, he's so clearly dangerous. But I just thought they didn't understand. I mean, what did they know about romance? They weren't out there in the rain proving their devotion, were they? He ended things abruptly. One day he said he was done and that I'd served my purpose. He said it so calmly too, like he was finishing a cup of tea.
Helena the Brit:I was devastated, but he told me one day baby you will thank me and just walked out of my life and I cried for weeks thinking I've lost the love of my life, but I never really stopped to think about what sort of love it was, did I, anyway? Sometimes I still think about him late at night, wonder if I was just too naive, too gullible maybe. But then I tell myself it was all terribly romantic a dark and twisted sort of romance, and besides isn't that what makes life such a fascinating business.
Emerson Dameron:You have to be strategic at your wielding of power. You don't start out winning. Improvisation is a privilege that you earn. Before you play free jazz, you have to learn green sleeves, heart and soul. You have to learn scales. Don't just start making moves if you don't know what you're doing. Learn from the masters. Sit at their feet, shine their shoes, kiss slowly up their legs as far as everyone is mutually comfortable with, and then scrub the baseboards, mow the lawn, butt naked, wash the car on roller skates. Serve as a scribe, writing out by hand everything the master says. The master will not say too much. The master will speak slowly because if you're dominant, you move slow because you don't have to move for anybody. Pauly and good fellas Do that. You do have to get everything right. Just because you're not transcribing somebody who's talking fast doesn't mean accuracy is not an issue. If your hand cramps, that's too bad. You can use the other hand for whatever.
Emerson Dameron:It is else that you do with your non-dominant hand, or you can write with your mind. Figure it out, use strategy. That's what you got to do. You've got to be able to swat flies in other states with your mind, punch holes in the baseboards with your mind and absolutely fuck with your mind. Your mind is the number one erogenous zone, the sex organ that matters. Learn how to pound it with your mind.
Emerson Dameron:If you think it's all been done or nothing wildly unpredictable is about to happen, you're dead wrong. I'm discovering new things all the time. For instance, did you know not sleeping for 48 hours affects your brain? In my experience, it's almost entirely negative Cycles of madcap, visionary glee when I thought I'd had a stroke of genius, I was closer to having a stroke and some of the blackest depression I've ever experienced. I haven't decided what to do with this information, but it's interesting, right? There's not a doubt in my mind about that. It's a probability approaching a certainty. There are no sure things in this uncertain world, but that's about as close as it gets.
Emerson Dameron:You couldn't put your finger between that probability and certainty when it's time, not before, and it'll happen in the right climb. That's short for climate if it needs extra provisions trained sea lions, flags of various kinds, large vehicle shaped like a carrot from a grocery service called insta carrot that only delivers carrots. There will be time enough for all of those things to be arranged and you don't even have to do anything, because you are loved by a lot of people, but also by the universe itself. It provides for you, it is in the process of giving you what you need, but it's not instantaneous, it's not gonna swoop in and solve all your problems and do your homework for you. You're doing that yourself.
Emerson Dameron:You know you're not waiting for any kind of bailout, any kind kind of rescue. You do the work every day and I see that and I acknowledge it, and that shows me at least that you're not broken, your life is not ruined. You say that experience ruined your life. I don't think our lives can be ruined unless we do it ourselves. And if that's what you've done, I would advise you to unruin your life as you can. There's no rush. That can take time and there can be joy and creativity and levity and humor in the process. You need community, you need support, you need practices to ground yourself. It's okay to get mad. No feeling left unfelt.
Emerson Dameron:When you feel it, you let it move through and you release it. That's being with what is, if you don't want to feel it, bad news. It's not optional. You got to feel it to get rid of it. If you put shame on top of that, contort yourself, try not to feel it. You're going to feel a bunch of other bad stuff. You could be at an 80 pain for the next half hour or you could just walk around at a 20 for the next 20 years.
Emerson Dameron:If I don't want to do something I like getting it over with. From what I've seen of you, you're not afraid of anything. It's a lot of pain. You've been done dirty. You've been done dirty, you've been kicked around and you're afraid that that's going to keep happening. And I would say to get what I think you deserve. There may be more work to be done.
Emerson Dameron:You could go out right now and make a life for yourself, and it would be good. You'd have enough resources to get the light bulbs that you like. You've got it together enough to have the various lotions to keep your skin looking good. Your sheets would be washed. Your bed would be made. Any ruptures would be repaired. You're a taste in music, art, film, obscure little museums would remain impeccable, but you would remain at mercy of the wounds and hurts that I think have a lot to do with your recent experiences, and those have been brutal.
Emerson Dameron:You've got to keep your power. Don't give your power away. If that's something you do and you're generous, if you've got a candle in your hands, you want somebody else to experience that excitement of carrying that candle around Bathe in the glow of that dancing flame, smelling the summer blueberry scent, or a lemon fresh or teak wood bourbon One of the more masculine scents, perhaps, maybe it's a three wit candle. You light up the whole room. You've got the humidifier on, it's a cozy atmosphere and you want to invite people in. The right people will come when you keep your power. Keep that sacred candle, carry it yourself. That's what people want you to do. You're the only person that knows what to do with that. That is yours. That has been passed down through lore, prophecy, endless chains of causality going all the way back to the beginning of time and then further back, because there was time before that.
Emerson Dameron:Somehow I don't really understand it. I don't need to. If I did, that would be taking up space I could be using to motivate people and I'm on my mission so I don't screw around with unnecessary trivia or even important scientific knowledge, unless I need it. But I understand human behavior, I understand social dynamics, I understand power. I know when a relationship gets so bad that it's not worth saving and you've had a few of those Back to back.
Emerson Dameron:Really I understand what makes a good relationship worth working on. When it's worth it to weather the storm, to heal the wounds, to bond ever more deeply and to make love. Like your lives depend on killing each other, because that's sexual polarity. When you've created the comfort and the safe container to go to your dark and dangerous places, you don't have to deny your shadow to keep the peace. That's what we do and that's why, even in good relationships, a lot of people are boring each other to death. They should just piss on each other. That would be easier. It would make a lot more sense. They might be into it, treating it like a business partnership instead of a passionate, fiery sex-type situation. I guess if you're into business partnerships, that's okay. That's way over in the no column on my yes, no, maybe list, because I know what that polarity is one of the oldest principles at work in the universe. In the beginning all was one, but as soon as there was another thing, there was polarity, because that's magnetism, that's balance, that's yin and yang.
Emerson Dameron:In and out, the breath, the center, the life force, the moment you're born screaming, the moment you die in the gutter. Simon and Garfunkel, hall and Oates, abbott and Costello, the Captain and Tennille. And, yes, the masculine and the feminine, not a gender-specific thing. We carry around those cosmic qualities within us. We're not always on one side or the other. I take that back. I know a couple of people that are all the way masculine or all the way feminine. When I say a couple, I mean like half a dozen. They're the weirdest MFs I've ever known.
Emerson Dameron:Most of us are tilting toward one end or the other, but basically free to move about the cabin. I think we've been so exhausted by this world, this country the United States of America is where I live, but it's true in other places as well, working us to death that a lot of times nobody wants to take the dominant role because they're always trying to control everything in the rest of their lives, just to keep it together, scrambling to try to create some sense of order. Then when it's bedroom fun time, they just want to kick back and just get it over with the habitual thing. They're not even sure if they like it anymore. I would encourage everybody to explore both sides of that, and if nobody wants to be the dominant masculine role, I will do that for you. I will come around, I will dom both of you, not for free, but I have a reasonable rate. I don't know if that's going to repolarize your relationship, but you will have a bonding experience that you can share. The way to repolarize the relationship is first to have the comfort and safety and trust to go into this fraught territory and then embrace friction, connect through conflict, don't be afraid to mix it up, create, risk an environment of radical, sometimes explosive honesty and mind-blowing hate sex.
Emerson Dameron:Sex is the best place to start when you're trying to make sense of your relationship, because everything is sex. Obviously that is the force of creation and life itself. It can be used for other things and in fact a lot of the conflicts in our lives, from the hyper-competitive nature of not just our economy but our society of one-upmanship and dominance all the way up through international military conflict, is just a weak substitute for the rough sex that we really want to be having. I think if we could get in dungeons, get in our own bedrooms, but do it a little bit differently, trying to go as far as we can, and if the orgasm is called the little death the French call it that let's go for the big death. Do it on the edge of the abyss. That's what I'm saying, that's what we're craving. We could save the world with rough sex, because everything else, all the other problems that hurt people, hurting people, etc. That's just sublimated raw, volcanic, animal sexuality and yet another distraction from the unfettered sex fest. That is our god-given right and would be so easy if we could just get out of our own way.
Emerson Dameron:Back to Mac. Mac, it's okay to lean into your anger for as long as it takes. Your anger is welcome here. You're not going to lose it. You know better than that. People trust you. Be around the people that trust you the most right now and then just let it go. Hit a heavy bag, go to a rage room, pay a little extra so you can destroy a car, bring a group.
Emerson Dameron:This experience is especially cathartic and meaningful and, dare I say, fun, when it's a bonding experience for people that love each other. You can't really say that because for some reason, love is awkward. We can't have the rough sex we want, we can't have the tender love we want. It's no surprise that we hurt each other and ourselves and embarrass everybody involved through tragic acts of unintentional self-revelation. What I'm saying is get mad, let it out. I think it's hilarious. As a raconteur, you're at the top of your game, spitting phlegm and venom. Have fun with it. It's fun to watch. I see you. I see a shift. I see you keeping your power. The candle, the flamethrower, the great balls of fire You're owning that. You're not giving it away. Giving it away now it's yours.
Emerson Dameron:You're getting good at being selfish, which I think in this epoch, when so much is expected of us in terms of conformity, in terms of being a certain way, because we don't want to get dismissed from the tribe If you don't like the word tribe, you can say clan. That used to mean getting lost in the wilderness, and we've somehow got the idea that if we just do all the right things to make people like us, that we're safe. But if everybody likes us, if we succeed, if that turns out as well as it can which is vanishingly rare If everybody likes us, nobody loves us, because we will not allow that. And if somebody loves us, somebody else is going to hate us, because that's how it works. That's a push pull. That's the Andre 3000 and big boy. That's polarity, the back and forth rhythm of things that it's important to flow with in relationships and in the seasons of our lives.
Emerson Dameron:And when you've had the kind of excruciating experience that you have. You've had a number of bad beats over the last few years that I think are of a piece that have thrashed your nervous system, made you doubt yourself. You've lost some of your swagger, some of your self-confidence. Your brain wants to make sense of that and you're not going to get closure. You're not going to get meaningful, heartfelt apology.
Emerson Dameron:Because the thing about intelligent people when they hurt, when they do damage, when they insult, they know what they're doing. They're smart enough to know that. They're also sophisticated enough that their brains start coming up with reasons why that person deserved it. Yeah, they're wearing the wrong Cumberbund. That Def Leppard shirt is not vintage, that's new, and I've seen that in ads on Instagram. Therefore, this person is an animal and not fully human. That allows me to forgive myself a bit more easily for inflicting harm that I am smart enough to know was part of a power trip that I'm on. But they're wearing mismatched blacks with lime green socks. Therefore, fair game, all's fair in war, in love, you feel some responsibility for another person's experience. You see yourself through the eyes of another.
Emerson Dameron:In war, it's just about projecting unwanted, alienated aspects of yourself that you don't like onto somebody else, disliking that person actively meaning doing damage and harm, and being okay with that because you think you're hurting the parts of yourself that you want to hurt An unnecessarily convoluted Rube Goldberg way of dealing with your own garbage. So what I would recommend is to get out of any situation that you're in like that. You don't need friends that treat you badly. I once said I need all the friends I can get. That turned out to be dramatically wrong. I got friends I don't need. Most of us have too many loose ties, too many social obligations For you.
Emerson Dameron:It is okay for you to take a break. It's okay for you to get lost in fantasy that can provide powerful clues to what it is that you do want. It's okay if you feel envy for people that are out there bawling and doing the stuff maybe you want to do. Envy is like a window shop. You get a sense of what might look good on you and when you take enough time to free yourself from wanting things because other people seem to want them, when you are no longer getting things forced on you that people want for you whether it's evangelism or just buying you a showbiz pizza, collectible item that that person really wanted for themselves and they thought you would like it because they think that's just how people are and what people are into and you appreciate the gesture. But you don't want this thing. You don't have anything to do with it. Really, you're not going to give it to somebody else. You feel a little bit obligated and you're in a huge amount of pain from some of the things you've experienced Devastating heartbreak. You don't want to deal with this.
Emerson Dameron:Take a break, get lost and use daydreams and fantasy and recall of your dream, dreams which your brain thinks are real when you're in it, when they're happening. Learn how to talk to dream characters. That's going to be full of useful information or, at the very least, it's going to be like a David Lynch movie. Your brain made out of stuff that's part of you and your experience. Get good at masturbation, master masturbation, master, mindful masturbation. There's a good book, good Sex how to Get Off Without Checking Out, by Jessica Graham.
Emerson Dameron:Take this time with the freedom that you have in obscurity, when nobody is paying attention to what you're doing. They will be when the Mac is back. It's going to be like crack. Everybody's going to want some. So enjoy being able to jack it in peace, maybe not so hard. Maybe. Find out what you really enjoy and really respond to on the more subtle levels and become the patient, masterful lover that the world needs right now and then keep that all for yourself for as long as you want.
Emerson Dameron:You're staying out of these bad attachments until you figure out what's going on with your heart and yourself and when the time comes, you can feel those feelings. You can also keep your power. See by that candlelight. Don't just give that away because you're catching feelings. Person doesn't know what to do with that. That's yours, you need to have it. So, yeah, don't get into the next relationship situation that presents itself. You don't have to trust people. Keep your mistrust with you. Let it protect you. Sit back and observe, watch human behavior and read some Irving Goffman about the roles people play in social situations and just watch it like a scientist or a playwright looking for ideas.
Emerson Dameron:Make the most of this time of freedom and peace and obscurity and opportunity to get clear on some things, to heal from the hurt that you undoubtedly experienced. To unruin your life to the hurt that you undoubtedly experienced. To unruin your life to the extent that that's necessary, although your life is not ruined. That's laughable. I'm not going to listen to that. That's a cop-out. That's the fear talking and fear is just excitement in a cheap suit. Take this time to feel all of that. Leave nothing unfelt, leave it all on the field and soon K-Chung Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron:Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes LA's number one avant-garde personal development program 1630 AM, kchungradioorg, first Wednesdays of the month, after which it becomes the only good podcast. I'm sorry, you got your heart broken. You can't get over it just because you want to. Actually you can, but I'm not going to spoil that yet. But you can get revenge and you don't have to be tacky about it. If you're not afraid of complexity, you don't need to fit in. You need to know yourself and find out where you belong. In the audience of Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, la's number one avant-garde personal development program, you get life-changing riffs, rants and gems that will make you glad you got your heart broken Because it made these ecstatic epiphanies possible. You'll know that you were never broken in the first place Because you'll discover your true desires. I have many listeners who had massive breakthroughs, including developing the ability to communicate telepathically, which is how I received their gratitude. Just makes the show better. You deserve to treat yourself to Emerson Dameron's medicated minutes.
