Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
LA’s #1 avant-garde personal development program. I'm Emerson Dameron. I love you, personally. Levity saves lives.
The home of Ask a Sadist, Bite-Sized Erotic Thrillers, and the First Church of the Satanic Buddha. Levity saves lives.
Regularly scheduled episodes premiere on the first Wednesday of the month on KCHUNG Los Angeles.
Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes
The Hedonist’s Guide to Self-Mastery: Love, Power, and How to Laugh Off a Crisis
I DON'T WANT YOUR SELF-HELP — I WANT YOUR SURRENDER
Listen up, you beautiful disaster. You're not lost - you're exactly where the universe wants you to be: face-down in the cosmic mud puddle of your own making. And I'm here to tell you that's perfectly fucking fine.
You want to know about modern life? It's a three-ring circus where everyone's a clown but nobody's laughing. You're juggling your daddy issues with one hand and swiping Tinder with the other, while some tech bro guru tells you to manifest abundance through crystal-activated blockchain meditation.
But here's the thing: I don't care about your journey to enlightenment. I care about your descent into glorious chaos.
You see, Los Angeles isn't a city - it's a shared hallucination where every sunset is an Instagram filter for your existential crisis. We're all out here playing spiritual Halloween, dressed up in personalities we borrowed from TED talks and therapy podcasts.
Want real power? Stop pretending you don't want it. My clients come to me thinking they need "boundaries" and "healing." What they really need is permission to be the magnificent monster they already are. Think less "mindful meditation" and more "mindful manipulation." But with style. With grace. With the kind of raw charisma that makes people want to burn their life down just to warm their hands in your flames.
You're not afraid of intimacy - you're afraid of how good you are at avoiding it. Those trust issues? They're your survival instincts doing jazz hands. That imposter syndrome? It's just your ego having performance anxiety.
Let's talk about sex, because that's what you really want to know about. Not the vanilla self-help "love yourself" bs. I'm talking about the kind of connection that feels like psychological parkour. The art of being emotionally unavailable while remaining physically irresistible. It's a special kind of power, making people crave your absence as much as your presence.
And relationships? They're just temporary autonomous zones where we play-act at permanence. Your polyamory isn't progressive - it's prehistoric. We're all just cavemen with credit cards, trying to finger-paint our way through intimate connections with fingerless gloves on.
But here's the secret they don't want you to know: none of this matters, and that's what makes it magnificent. Your neuroses are your superpowers. Your damage is your brand. Your chaos is your calling card.
I don't want to fix you. I want to watch you set yourself on fire and sell tickets to the show.
So stop gripping that rearview mirror like it's a life raft. The past is just badly written fan fiction of your life. The future? It's a Nigerian prince email scam. The present is all we've got, and it's a hell of a lot more interesting when you stop trying to make sense of it.
Welcome to the shit show. Admission is free. Your soul is the collateral.
And trust me - I don't care if you trust me. That's what makes me trustworthy.
All that plus a postcard from friend of the show Helena the Brit!
Join us. It's time to stop surviving and start seducing life itself.
You are such a little brat. Why are you like this? You have no idea, do you? You don't want to know. You'd be disgusted if you dug into your psyche and unearthed the real reasons you do what you do. If you test me, you'll regret it. You're going straight to couples counseling. I'll show you pain, boredom. Oh, you think I'm embarrassing? Wait till I start spilling my guts in couples counseling.
Speaker 1:You might think Dr X is in charge, but you know who's really running things. Me like always, I'm not afraid to take 100% of my 50%, and I know all the right things to say to get Dr on my side. Speaking of which, what do you have to say for yourself? You're terrified of yourself. You were bullied and you're still overcompens. For yourself, you're terrified of yourself. You were bullied and you're still overcompensating. I'm the master of this. I'm going to make a fool of you in couples counseling. You ungrateful little bitch. Try to push my buttons. I'll push my own buttons.
Speaker 1:We need rituals and symbolism to stop us from going barking mad. If and when you get enlightened, that day becomes a holiday. If you haven't celebrate regardless, keep in mind you haven't really done jello shots or jello wrestling or butt chugging until you've done them mindfully. Your birthday is the holiest day on the calendar and it's the day you celebrate yourself. You don't exist. What better reason to celebrate?
Speaker 1:Satanic Buddhists also throw down during supermoons. It's the moon in its finest form. The moon could crush you, but it doesn't, because the moon is made of pure love. The moon makes the tides go in and out. The moon makes people scream at night. Probably has a lot to do with the synchronicities and coincidences that are trying to tell you that until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate this year. Rule your own life. Become a satanic Buddhist or don't. Either way, happy holidays. K-chung, los Angeles 1630 AM. Kchungradioorg on the worldwide web.
Speaker 1:This is Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, la's number one avant-garde personal development program, home of Ask a Sadist, proudly sponsored by the First Church of the Satanic Buddha, birthplace and habitat of bite-sized erotic thrillers. My name is Emerson Dameron. I'm the writer, producer, host, everything. I love you personally. Levity saves lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course I don't trust anyone. Why ever, would you ask? It goes without saying. People are not trustworthy. They'll lie, betray, and if they were completely honest, they'd be thrown in jail or assassinated. Very little to gain from laying one's cards on the table. That's why I carry a fake set of cards. I lay those cards out on the table. I know what they are. I know the effect that they have. They are a distraction from my real hand of cards. It's ambiguous whether or not this violates the rules of card gaming. I make my own rules.
Speaker 1:Nostalgia is psychological quicksand. A little can be comforting, but a little goes a long way and the end result of a nostalgia-based lifestyle is the atrophy of your ability to act, because you're not, in the present moment, the only place worth swinging on the flippity-flop. It can lead to depression. It can lead to bigotry. Even If you start thinking that some time in the past was a better time, you'll lose sight of the fact that it was a better time. You'll lose sight of the fact that it was not better for everyone. For you it was only better theoretically, because even if you were there, you are remembering it wrong. Having the experience of a memory is reconstructing your knowledge of a past event. That's why eyewitness testimony is bogus. We don't remember the past well. It takes a lot of energy to come up with those perceptions and we need that energy here in the present. We've got big problems. I don't know if you noticed. There's no time to linger in the shadows where the hauntology is happening. Get your head out of your past. Let's kick some ass.
Speaker 1:What do I want out of life? Anything. I'd like a dump truck full of money to come up to my building on fridays and give me enough money to provide for myself the things I need and want for my comfort. I want to make art. I want to make inscrutable art that no one gets, and be under no pressure to be gotten because nobody's getting got. I just make art all day and that's all I have to do from morning to evening. Then I rest, get high and enjoy myself, and other people enjoy my company, because I'm much closer to happy than I ever thought I would get. In the meantime, as I mentioned, my bitterness will protect me. Mistrust is a must. I don't need any of people's crap, I just want to be left alone. I'm so, so, so, very tired of all of this, and it doesn't stop happening. Just continue. This Seems like, perhaps indefinitely. All I want is to rest, rest, rest. I have a zest for rest. One of these days I'm gonna put that to the test See how long I can rest before I get bored. That it's a while. Maybe we'll find out. I hope so.
Speaker 1:In the meantime, when I found that I had the gift of game, I realized I had mysterious powers, with some unintentional consequences Short-term conquests turned into long-term problems. I longed for an interpersonal encounter that was not unbearably intense. I was tired of being loved. I was getting dizzy Out on a pedestal. My fear of heights had returned. I just wanted to be left alone on a Sunday afternoon, to go skydiving in Lake Elsinore again, to get over my fear of heights again. But I couldn't do that. People wanted a piece of me and a piece of my time. At first it was fun. I went on a lot of ridiculous adventures, did a lot of things I wouldn't have done otherwise, got to explore interests, some of which I was not interested in, some of which I was surprisingly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is cooler than anything I would have come up with myself. And I'm getting to know myself that, as that happens, there's a struggle for control. I'm losing touch with some of the gaps in my knowledge of myself that made all this possible in the first place. It comes to a major climax where I do a big show. We'll just say it's very entertaining and revealing, groundbreaking in some important ways, critically acclaimed. The fans went wild. I left it all on the field and retired.
Speaker 1:I've made myself scarce. I don't deal with relationships or even casual recreational hookup sex anymore. I mind my own business alone, alone with my thoughts. The final frontier, the human experience. Be comfortable with that as true peace. I'm going to tell you where I am. It's beautiful. I'm going to keep it for myself, thank you. You can find love. Here's what you gotta do. Play hard to get get Because you're hard. You got better things to do and those things are not good. Be direct about what you want. Master the look. Practice in a mirror until you tear your own clothes off because you're irresistible and you want to ravish yourself.
Speaker 1:Then be yourself becomes good advice. Let them know what you want. Come in high If you want to make out. Ask for a golden shower. Let them talk you down. You're not setting the terms. You're starting a conversation. Be clear that you're not desperate. The best time to ask somebody out is while you're grabbing somebody else's ass Because they asked you to Make it clear you don't want to be a friend, make them earn the sex and let them know that friendship is going to be a lot more expensive.
Speaker 1:Friends are down to die for you, and until they do, you're not going to take them seriously. When you get some love, you start getting some more, and when that happens, turn people down. That's the definition of success. Don't be too available. Have a life and let people know how good it is. If you have to exaggerate, focus on yourself. Heal, grow, improve, practice the look until you can't be in the same room with a mirror without getting crushed out hot in the crotch, going buck wild and breaking the lease. Don't chase, attract, push-pull. Be polarizing, keep it real. And if none of that works, I'll go out with you.
Speaker 2:What are you?
Speaker 1:doing this weekend? Don't ask people out on the weekend. That makes you sound like a loser. What are you doing Tuesday night? Thank you, listen up, because this is non-negotiable. I want the video to be pink and violet. I want it to be full of unicorns and glitter and pink flowers and dancing animated characters and Christmas stuff Way out of season. I want you to put this out in late June or early July. I want a holiday theme, but pink and violet. That's the most important part of it. I want it to look as ridiculous as possible. I want to communicate that that's how much I care about this or anything else.
Speaker 1:It is not worth my time what anyone else thinks, and I'm so full of absolutely delusional confidence that I will sabotage myself at every turn and just get stronger and wealthier and more paid and laid and parlayed than I ever was before, because what you need to succeed is the confidence of an idiot. Your problem is that you're smart enough to know that you're not bulletproof, you can't do everything well and you're going to die eventually, and you want to forget all of those things. You want to imagine what it would be like if you just took a drug that made you dumber and you could carry some of that around, maybe a bottle of spray that you could spray in your mouth. And then, when you do that, you develop the belief in yourself of the dumbest person that you know, someone who trips over their own genitals and just does not care. Make this a persona. As you know, you contain multitudes. You're more than one person. There's a whole host of rambunctious individuals in there. It's a committee, but it's more like a cocktail party winding its way into the three o'clock hour, and you just want to introduce a new character who has the confidence of an absolute moron that lacks all of the neuroticism and self-questioning, self-doubt, nervousness, anxiousness that you have because you're able to look at yourself realistically and keep your feet on the ground and know your limitations. You want somebody in there who forgets all of that and you want to be able to bring that person out as needed.
Speaker 1:The traits to cultivate, aside from pure idiocy, would be the dark triad Narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism. Narcissism the world revolves around me and everyone else's character in my cinematic universe and exists for that purpose. Psychopathy just don't care, my actions don't have consequences. Truly living with the power of now Emphasis on the power Right here, right now is the only place a psychopath wants to be, because that's where the action is and there's no history and there's no tomorrow.
Speaker 1:And Machiavellianism brings in some strategy in the most ruthless nature, is red and tooth and claw way possible, scheming, playing a game of chess, but not by the rules, by your own rules, because you make the rules, because that's what reality is, it's what you believe it to be and it's what you make it. And you can do that because of your delusional, insane, hallucinatory self-confidence that you can bring out by request, because that's not what this is about. You're not a song and dance entertainer. You're not here for anyone else. This is about you getting what you want, not really caring if you do or not doing what you want to do. It doesn't really matter what the outcome is, because that, my friends, is when you start getting everything you want, you seriously do not care anymore. It sounds paradoxical. If you've never tried not caring, give it a shot.
Speaker 1:Keep this persona separate from the others. Don't let it run for any executive offices, don't let it accrue too much power. You have to keep an eye on it because it proves successful and you end up getting a lot of what you want through bringing out this delusionally confident side of yourself. It's not going to be happy with a little bit of leverage. It's going to want to take the whole cannoli. And you got to make sure that that doesn't happen, because it really will bring you crashing down to earth if you start to believe the BS, the hype of this part of yourself. It's happened to people greater than you, so keep an eye on it, as you do all of your allies, and remember that the confidence is first, last and always fake.
Speaker 1:It is based on absolutely nothing. This has nothing to do with your innate qualities or your achievements, not even what you're gonna do next year or whenever you get around to it, or who you think you are, or what you just know that you're capable of. And if everyone else could see it, they would feel the same way. No, this is has to be complete BS, because nobody can take that away from you. If it's not real, it's not available to steal. Any criticism will just dissolve because this is on its own plane. This is not subject to the laws of physics, gravity, peer pressure, anything like that, because it's entirely fake. It's in your head.
Speaker 1:This is a superhero that you can bring on who turns your weaknesses into strengths. Just think of a rapper in a rap battle or a comedian at a roast or fending off a heckler. Just think of everything that somebody could throw at you all the things that would be the most hurtful, and turn them around. Own it. It's actually good that I'm ugly. It's good that I'm an idiot. It's good that I'm in a. It's good that I'm in a debt spiral. All of these things are good. If I don't have any money, I don't have to worry about money because I don't have any. If I'm ugly, I know you love me for me and I can tell right now that you love me for me and you want to do something about it. That's what this is, and the superhero is here to bust your neuroticism wide open, to break it, to crush it Utterly, conquer it. Get that out of the game for now. Don't lose track of it entirely, because you're going to need to check yourself in the event that you get dangerously close to wrecking yourself. And part of this game is like pitching pennies, where you just wanted to go just far enough, but not too far. A dangerous dance with the possibility of wrecking yourself. And remember, as you project delusional self-confidence.
Speaker 1:Thought, action and emotion reinforce each other. They create a cycle, either in the direction you want to go or in the other direction, where you don't want to go, and if one of those things is not working for you at the time, emphasize one of the other ones. Action is really the most important thing. Positive actions will lead to positive thoughts which will gradually foster positive emotions. Emotion's the hardest thing to hack right away, because you know you're not going to fool yourself. You know what's really going on under the hood, all of your limitations, and you have all the information. You know what's really going on under the hood, all of your limitations, and you have all the information. You know yourself best. So, of course, you hate yourself in a way that no one else is capable of, especially if it's an ingrained habit that's going to be hard to break. So in that case, just do something. Take action.
Speaker 1:If you start having negative thoughts about yourself, just think about something else. Turn it around. What would you say if you believe the opposite of that? Create a character that believes the opposite of that. Be that character for a minute. Be the auteur of your inner experience, and you will project that confidence out Crazy confidence. Just think of any wacky scenario that you could find yourself in If you're in a high-end hotel lounge. Just think I'm a wealthy, perversely successful and lucky individual, and you don't have to get into by what metrics. Everyone has been smiled on by fortune in some way, and if you're there it means you belong there. So project that outward as much as you can and be prepared for people to test it and then turn that around.
Speaker 1:This is hard. Do it anyway the next time you are talking to some sultry, sexy, attractive member of whatever persuasion it is that you find the most persuasive. Or if you're interviewing for a job that you know that you're not qualified for. But you know one thing you are qualified to do is learn on the job and make it look like you know what you're doing. Because that's what you get from practicing delusional, hallucinatory, possibly tragically ill-advised confidence that you always manage to swerve at the last second and win that game of chicken with death. Because that's the kind of skills that you're learning here. If you're not afraid of it. See what it's doing, suss it out, gauge it out, make reliable predictions and win. I'm out.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Damn, everybody here is stacked Hollywood, baby Hell yeah, try to act normal. Do as I do. Watch stacked Hollywood, baby Hell yeah, try to act normal. Do as I do. Watch me, be like me. Blend in with a zeitgeist, with a gestalt. Yeah, she's stacked. You know what that's about. Hell yeah, I'm nominated for an Oscar for best drywall finisher in a major motion picture. That's right. You didn't know that was a category I did. Everybody you didn't know that was a category I did. Everybody else did.
Speaker 1:Get with the program, man Each to his own. I got this market cornered. I'm gonna win. You know this. Come on, dude. Why did you ask me that? I need support. I need friends that believe in me. I am the best drywall finisher in a major motion picture, perhaps of all time. Get with it. Thank you very much.
Speaker 1:I get hot women. I always have Used to not be exclusively hot women. I always have Used to not be exclusively hot women. I had to get through a lot of lukewarm room temperature women to get where I am today. Stop taking it seriously. Get over any insecurities that I had Be able to go up and introduce myself and then be pounding it out pretty soon after that. Recognize that none of this matters. I don't owe anybody anything. Nobody owes me anything. I'm going to have to take you seriously.
Speaker 1:And now I'm getting women really more than I can handle about, which more later? And they're smoking hot, atomic explosions in female form. Many skirts, they don't even need push-up bras. Wherever they go it creates an explosion that takes out three city blocks Seriously, dangerously, destructively. Sexy women, banging bodies when they walk down the street. They set off car alarms Unbelievable.
Speaker 1:I've got as many of them as I can handle and they'll do whatever I want. I like to watch them wash my car. I also like when they get my groceries or pick up food for me or make some, because I don't know. They say that they made food, but I'm pretty sure they got it at Vons. Maybe it's the thought that counts. That just lets me know. I can't really trust her Expecting to get burned at that point. She's lying to me. I don't get lied to. Well, no, people lie to me. I make note of that. I can leverage it later on. I can let stuff slide and I can turn that to my advantage.
Speaker 1:Get really wild sex, and it's with hot women. Some of them are morally indefensible. Most people are corruptible. I wouldn't make an exception of myself. I genuinely love women. I love sex and I'm fascinated by their weirdness. They're not expected to repress. It's all kind of interesting.
Speaker 1:All the soaps and pillows, accessories, the skincare products are good. I like to use those. I look a lot better as a result. Being around women makes me look good. The more I get with women in a sexual way, the more women are attracted to me. I get hotter. You can smell it.
Speaker 1:I usually don't go for relationships. I don't get pushed into anything I don't want to do. I let them do me favors. I got it set up so that I'm not the one that's trying to get sex. I'm having all the sex I can take. Women like sex more than men do. Let them beg for it If they don't want it.
Speaker 1:Tonight I got many other options. I've got parades of hot women revolving doors, women coming through day in and day out. I have to have threesomes and sometimes orgies, just for convenience. That's the only way I'm going to get everybody into my schedule. I back up dancers. I have a cheerleading squad that has pom-poms and uniforms in my favorite colors and they do chants and cheers when I'm stepping into the ring with the boxer I've hired to try to come after me to keep me on my toes, like kato in the old pink panther movies, of course, so hired to try to kill him. Everyone should have an assassin on their trail or a prize fighter that's trying to knock them out.
Speaker 1:And uh, yeah, that's how, uh how, I keep my libido in effect, but I can't compete with some of these women, especially not with all of the women I gotta sleep with. The sex when I have it is, of course, off the charts, and it's pretty frequent. I know one woman can get me hard thrice in a day, at least a couple of times a week. That's how often I see her. Thought about getting serious with her just to see.
Speaker 1:I'd like to cum three times every day for the rest of my life, but I'm getting hot women Right now. The level of hot women I'm getting is slightly over where I'm comfortable with the project management aspect of it. So I'm trying to share the wealth and I'm going to talk about that soon. I'm not going to settle down either, despite my curiosity about some of these women and my appreciation for their skills, the recognition that they do this out of real love for me, which manifests, differently from my love, that I feel that is also real, albeit different. The bottom line is that I smack the rear ends of hot women and I get hot women and there's nothing you can do about it.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 3:I stand upon the edge of oblivion, a trembling sojourner in the labyrinth of my own demise. And yet, within the echo of every silent regret, I taste the bittersweet dregs of squandered hope. Can you not see how the fractured shards of yesterday gleam in the cruel light of a destiny unchosen? Every syllable that escapes these quivering lips is a symphony of the promises that died before they even dared to be. Oh how the scorn of fate mocks my futile entreaties.
Speaker 3:I am the collateral in a war between despair and delirium, a puppet whose strings are severed by the indifferent hand of time. I spit defiance at the heavens, even as I drown in the shallow deluge of remorse. But dare I laugh at this grotesque masquerade? For in the theater of my failures I have played every role the martyr, the villain, the forsaken is new, and in each guise, humiliation is my only constant partner. And yet I find a perverse solace in the annihilation of my ideals. For even in ruin there is a truth too savage to dismiss.
Speaker 3:I am both the architect of my despair and the hapless muse of its cataclysmic symphony. Listen, listen to the erratic heartbeat of my existence a rapid staccato, a lingering adagio, a crescendo that leaves me breathless and broken. Every moment is a duel between hope and the abysmal abyss, and every word a dagger in the fabric of my sanity. I am condemned to dance a marionette in the theater of my own humiliation. Let the world bear witness. In the ruins of my shattered self, I find not redemption but the eternal allure of my disgrace so there's nothing you hate worse than getting what you say you want instead of what you really want.
Speaker 1:But I can read right through the lines. I can read you and see in your eyes what you want and need. And I got that. You know deep down you were built for sex. You think about it all day long. It's an obsession, but you have to hide it. Nobody has any idea how dirty a little slut you are, do they? It's our dirty little secret, just between you and me, and I'm not sure. But I have some idea of the nasty stuff you're into and I do it right. I'm a masterful lover. I believe in a job well done.
Speaker 1:I may never develop feelings for you, but you'll never know the difference when I'm giving you screaming, earth-shattering, cascading orgasms, the kind that you long for day in and day out. Same way, you long to bow down to somebody stronger than you, somebody who can control you, somebody who sees through your crap and puts you in your place. You're so desperately long to be. You have to be in control all day long. So much responsibility. There's no play, no fun in life. You miss playing hide and seek. You would hide very well because you're so competent and intelligent and you're good at what you do. You take pride in it as well you should, but you want to be found, you want to be punished, and after you get that screaming, big bang, tidal wave of an orgasm, you are mine and you're going to do whatever I want. However, I want you're gonna love every second of it, because I'm better at this than you.
Speaker 1:Take off your clothes. We need to talk. Come here, slut. Yeah, you came right over here, didn't you? You know what you're really good at? I'm about to find out. Show me what you were born to do. Nothing that feels better than doing things in nature's way. Close your eyes. I want to play. I don't trust you to keep your eyes closed, so I'm going to put on this blindfold Enough. Shut your dirty whore mouth.
Speaker 1:You're noisy with a thing, aren't you, your dirty whore mouth?
Speaker 1:You want everyone to know how stupid slut you are. Shut up, stop moving. Don't do anything without my permission. Don't forget, I'll rail you whenever I want, however I want, because that's what you want. No one hurts you but me. Nobody's coming to save you. You little bitch, I can keep you safe. You're all afraid of me. Want to make a deal with the devil? Good, take off your clothes, get in bed. Exactly what I say I control you, command you, dominate you and use you. And then I hold you, kiss you, make you feel loved, loving, safe, special. This is how I screw you until you're screwed forever. Destroy you heart, mind and soul. This is how I protect you. This is what you need. This is what you want. This is how you serve me. This is what you were born to do. Now, take off your clothes, get in bed. Good, put your mouth here. Now. Here, the Love Jones is the minotaur in the labyrinth of the lifestyle of casual sex. But you can have casual sex without letting feelings ruin it.
Speaker 3:How do I set the groundwork to make my relationship a no-string sex fest?
Speaker 1:Set and communicate boundaries in your shared language, which is five-alarm dirty talk. Be extra clear up front, especially if one of you is a hard fantasy player. Otherwise it's a stacked deck and somebody's playing to win, which is not cool.
Speaker 3:It's me. I'm playing to win.
Speaker 1:You're on probation. Go spend the next six months having hate sex with idiots. It's not fun. It's me I'm playing to win. You're on probation? Go spend the next six months having hate sex with idiots. It's not fun, it's vaguely unethical. But that's what you get until you grow a heart. I'm afraid I'm falling in love with my casual sex partner. There's no one like her. No one comes close. Get her off the pedestal. It's dehumanizing. She'll resent you for it because she knows she's awful.
Speaker 2:I'm taking my casual sex buddy on a weekend trip to Joshua Tree. How can I prevent either of us from catching feelings?
Speaker 1:Limit intimate moments. Remember, you're there to pound it out, not cry it out.
Speaker 2:What if he brings up his dead uncle again?
Speaker 1:Clown him about it relentlessly until the day he dies.
Speaker 2:Can we do mushrooms?
Speaker 1:No, absolutely not. Do them with your mom.
Speaker 2:Hell, I'm no good at this. I can't keep it casual because I'm a basket case with too many feelings.
Speaker 1:You can keep it casual. It just takes some practice. Get support from your friends and have sex with them. Get involved in different activities with different social circles of people who don't know each other and have sex with them. Talk to strangers and have sex with them. When you catch feelings, learn to release them. Casual sex can be a playful journey of pleasure and fulfillment.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think sex is an act of conquest Seizing treasure, sometimes from my enemies, sometimes from museums, the places I've conquered the collections, and making it mine. By that time I've usually had a long day of conquering and I'm ready for catharsis. I'm ready to pound it out, pump it and hit the guts, and when I do that, I make it memorable. My life depends on it, like it's my last day on earth and my first day out on parole, and that is strictly an act of love. And I thought you would know that You're the one catching the deed. You can feel the love.
Speaker 1:My love is sometimes violent. I'm at peace with my capacity for violence. I want to beat you up inside because I want to make you feel something, because you love feelings and I'm here to give them to you. When you give it up and get mounted. I'm going to give you the business. When I'm boning, I'm filling you up with all the best I have. When I beat it up and take it out and trade, I make you feel it because I want you to feel the love and the D, because when I pound the Punani pavement it's gonna set off car alarms, it's gonna be a statistic in studies of the broken window theory because people's windows are gonna break Car windshields and the windows in ground floor apartments and sometimes glasses.
Speaker 1:Because that's how I hit it, I knock it out and when I give you the hot beef injection, you're gonna feel my life force inside of you. But don't worry, I'm the pull-out king. I know you get moony on birth control and your antidepressants kill your libido so you end up not taking anything. I like it all natural and raw. Of course, when I blaze and when you get railed I'm guessing you agree the whimpers and moans don't lie as far as I can tell, and I want you to get screwed and stay screwed and be screwed by me for the rest of your life. But I'm not going to screw you over. I'm not going to come inside you. You're going to get rolled on, I'm going to knock it out, but not knock it up.
Speaker 1:It will be pure love and it will be my act of domination, perhaps degradation, because I will put you in your place where you long to be, and then you can go back to having people take you seriously, which is a bit of a joke to me, but that's okay. I like to laugh. I have a sense of humor that's omnipresent. It's hard for me to take anything seriously. That's the king level, that I'm on the ace level, when everything is hilarious, because now you are godlike. You're not god, but there's no difference between you and god, and together you're inflicting the cosmic joke on people, which is another way that I describe what happens when I bang it and we we're boning, and I'm putting it in. That pretty much covers everything. Life is full of surprises. If there are no surprises, that itself will be a surprise, and you take Uncle Emerson's word for that. Also, don't get in relationships.
Speaker 1:Relationships are awful. There's never been a good one. Almost all of them end in bitterness and disappointment. Ones with the people that claim to be happy. They're either secretly miserable or they're the most boring people on earth. We evolved to live differently and that's why so many of us are leading these sleazy double lives. And if you don't cheat, your life is pretty miserable and you're going to be angry when you die because you wasted so much time on a miserable relationship that you really didn't want to be in. You're going to get sick of each other. The things that turned you on in the beginning you're going to resent very, very deeply. The more time that goes on, the more there is unsaid. The more you get into the patterns, the little well-worn grooves, the less you're going to care about impressing the other person. Most of us are really at our best when we're trying to impress someone. If someone is pretending to be something they're not, we're probably doing you a favor. Perhaps putting on a good show you should applaud and watch and hook up and then never talk to them again.
Speaker 1:You want to stay out of relationships, regardless of what you call it to be with someone. I had someone who decided we were going to be in a relationship and got really upset when I told her we weren't and we hadn't slept together. I specifically avoided letting that happen. She tried to sit it up. Probably wasn't going to happen anyway. She wants to get in a relationship before the sex happens. That's not how it goes with me. I'm not going to commit to someone anyway, but if I did, I'd want to know what the sex is like first. If there's bad sex and you've already established rapport, you wasted your time and most of the time the sex isn't that good. Sex is everything. It's the force of creation itself, it is life, it is God. It is also somehow overrated. That's how screwed up we are about sex in this country. That's because really good sex is very rare.
Speaker 1:When you have it, you should not try to hang on to it because that's just going to kill it. To put a name on something like Louis Armstrong said of jazz it is dead. All things are impermanent and should be treated as such. That means promptly released. Do not get stuck. Do not try to do the same thing over and over again. Do not do cover songs of your old hits. You're not the same person you were when you wrote those. And if you're in a relationship, you're not the same person you were when you wrote those. And if you're in a relationship, you're not the same person you were when you got in the relationship. Allow the change to happen, thank you. So so Thank you.
Speaker 1:Did you know books make you stupid? Yeah, I bet you didn't know that. You don't like hearing it.
Speaker 1:If you're the kind of person who listens to this show, you probably have a large collection of books, some of which you've thought about reading. There's an opportunity cost to everything, and the opportunity costs to curling up with a good book at home include life experience. The enormous library is a life unlived. Books teach you to accept ideas and interpretations on faith. They teach obedience to authority. They tell you what to think. Only if you're very quick on your feet can you resist that, can you think back for yourself.
Speaker 1:The experience of reading is so intimate, so deep in your it puts you to work, visualizing, imagining, starting this synesthetic multimedia symphony in your head. You're lucky if you have enough energy left while you're reading to think, hey, this doesn't make any sense, unless you already knew that it wasn't going to make any sense. What if you went into every book with that approach? Because nothing makes sense, especially when we are all stupid, crazy and hypnotized. Most people spend their entire lives walking around in a walking gaze. Everyone is always hypnotized at all times, at least a little bit.
Speaker 1:Reality is a controlled hallucination. We only perceive my extremely accurate scientific measurement with the advanced granular tools that I have Down to three digits after. The decimal point would be 3% and change of what we experience is quote-unquote real. The rest of it we make up to align with our assumptions, our experiences, unconscious patterns. They're pattern matching machines, primed and designed and evolved to survive, not thrive. Remember survival is a lagging indicator of adaptation to a particular set of circumstances. What fed your genes into the next generation? A lot of it's not true anymore.
Speaker 1:Things have changed since you came up with the habitual, quasi-instinctual learned behaviors that govern you right now. It has nothing to do with being the fittest. If you've played zero-sum games with winners and losers, surely you're not naive enough to think that anything anywhere has ever been fair under those conditions. They're inherently necessarily reductionist. But you're not going to think about that in real time as you go, unless you're able to free your mind, and in order to free your mind you have to lose your mind. Free your mind and in order to free your mind you have to lose your mind. And only after you free your mind can you free yourself from your mind. But what you can do in the meantime is adapt an attitude of beginner's mind Anti-mindset, you might call it on your way to freeing yourself from your mind. This can be accomplished with certain kinds of meditation, other contemplative practices.
Speaker 1:Anything can be a practice. It's really how you apply yourself, more than the thing itself. Anything can get you to. Anything can get you back around to the knowledge that you know nothing. If you're lucky and if you know anything, you should be working your way toward knowing nothing. If you're lucky, and if you know anything, you should be working your way toward knowing nothing.
Speaker 1:That said, ego meltdowns are not for amateurs. When you pull the tower card from the tarot deck which is not essentially bad, nor is it good in the way that the fool and death are good Everything is now up for grabs. That Jenga tower has been dislodged, all your assumptions go out the window. Your priors go up in smoke. You know that you know nothing and initially you're not going to be happy about that. Very few things, if anything, can ruin your life as thoroughly as getting what you want. That's why, when you're about to get what you want, you will freak out. You can navigate through the fire. Since you've risked it all, you shouldn't be too surprised that you lose it all.
Speaker 1:My familiarity with depression makes me extremely reluctant to tell anyone else to look on the bright side, if I'm able. I find it to be an often worthwhile thought experiment to conduct in my own head, it's always both. Everything is a study in contrast, if you look for it, and any meltdown experience brings big opportunities, big threats, and to take advantage of the opportunities requires a leap of faith. I'm not a religious person, but it's much like believing in God despite the lack of proof. If God revealed herself to you in all her glory and proved without a doubt she is real, it wouldn't mean anything to believe in God. You'd have nothing to lose. There'd be nothing on the line. I don't believe in God, but I think that's true of anything when belief, faith, the courage that it takes to make that kind of a call before all the facts are in whether it's love, transgression, making any kind of big decision it means something because there are no guarantees. If you're in the arena, you don't need guarantees. Always go with freedom over security. You have plenty of security when you're dead in the ground.
Speaker 1:An ego meltdown can be brought on in episodes of illness, crisis or ecstatic experiences, whether on psychedelics or dancing or engaging in some sort of a ritual. I recommend the book the Art of Losing Control by Jules Evans on that topic Finding ways to lose control and transgress and break on through to the Dionysian side out of a noxiously Apollonian consensus reality. Be aware that any ego meltdown worth the downmelting, whether it's something you instigate through certain practices, or whether it just happens to you, perhaps as a result of someone else's betrayal. Or a penguin falls off an iceberg and it leads to you getting t-boned by an 18-wheeler at an intersection two blocks from your home, your entire story will change and your genre for a while will be horror.
Speaker 1:Remember, fear and excitement are largely two interpretations of one thing. This is a glorious opportunity to practice the art of losing control. Now, before you do this intentionally, think do I want this? Do I want to lose my mind? Do I want to know that no one's coming to save me? That's the bad news. The good news is no one's watching and I handle taking possession of that information. And remember, nothing's going to ruin your life like getting what you want and you're guaranteed to freak the think you are. That's how I see it Slightly better.
Speaker 2:Not dramatically.
Speaker 1:You're not too far off. You're not totally lacking in perceptive abilities, but you'd sell yourself short and sometimes you're the last to know You've made real progress. Start meditating again. You can do it. I know there's a lot of resistance to it. Life seemed more convenient when you stopped. It's really not a nice to have, it's absolutely necessary. And now you know what it's like to not do it versus to do it. When you were doing it, yeah, you were kind of awesome, like stoned in the best way.
Speaker 1:This is the missing piece. You shrugged it off and pouted when you got your heart broken. I'm sorry that happened. It wasn't your fault necessarily not entirely and you've certainly owned your part of it thoroughly. You know it was part of something that happens.
Speaker 1:Sometimes. You do get caught in vicious cycles. What I have seen happen is that you throw up your hands and stop taking care of yourself because you want somebody to come save you and nobody is going to, which you know. You're skeptical about human nature enough to know that nobody's going to save you, which does not at all mean that you're hopeless, because you have this amazing reservoir of untapped self-care ability that you started to get into a little bit on the retreat. So get back into that. Meditate every day, just do it, you can do it and take care of yourself. Take care of yourself in general, however you can, whenever you're not thinking about something else. You're always going to be thinking about something else, but just every now and then, maybe, set an alarm, set a chime, have it remind you to ask yourself what can I?
Speaker 1:do right now to take care of myself. You're good at it, it helps. It's your job. You want to take care of yourself as though you were someone whose care you were responsible for, because really, in the end, that's the case. Especially if you shut out the world, as you tend to do, that's not great.
Speaker 1:Part of self-care is probably opening up a little bit and letting people in and reconnecting with people who care about you. Every now and then, people are going to let you down. That's what they do. We're the only species that's not being the best it can. I think species that's not being the best it can. I think it seems to be Because we're burdened with consciousness. We make fools of ourselves because of that.
Speaker 1:But you can afford to open yourself up a little bit more than you have now, than you are currently open. Take some interpersonal risks, see what happens. Shake it off if it doesn't work out. I know the way you're playing this right now is you only want true players, fans, ride or dies, people who love you and love your work and don't question it. And if they do want to collaborate with you, it's totally as a peer and they totally respect you and they want to get involved in your world on your terms, and maybe they will and maybe they won't. You'll let them know that if they do, they can't expect dinner at Burger Lords. Maybe they'll go ahead and do it anyway and then resent you later for letting them down and not giving them what they said they didn't want in order to get in your pants.
Speaker 2:But you know, people are disappointed.
Speaker 1:Risk disappointment. Be willing to be disappointed. See how it goes. You really need to get back out in the field. Life is your laboratory. You've got a lot of painful beliefs that could use testing and disproving. You're afraid of getting hurt again. Totally makes sense. You're afraid of getting rolled and having somebody else take over your life and your heart is broken. Or somebody else decides that they want a relationship and you just kind of go with it. Of course it's what you want or what you think you want. But how can you get around that? How can you break that pattern, break that cycle? You know how to do it. Your body knows how to do it. Forget you, forgot how to do it. Bone up on the how-tos, Go out, get in trouble, risk overconfidence. Put yourself out there in a sexual way. People can handle it.
Speaker 1:See what happens, accept rejection. They don't know anything about you. It's not a referendum on you. You just met up. You're getting out of your own tiny little world a little bit.
Speaker 1:I advocate that, regardless, live in the flow, in the flux, in the liminal weirdness. Be a character in a surreal story that you made up. Enjoy this. Life is strange, especially right now. Usually you're not aware of how strange it is because there's too much else going on Right now. The weirdness, the absurdity, it's all right there. And, yeah, it's scary because you know that there's no certainty. Normally there is no certainty, but you're not actively aware of this.
Speaker 1:Live in the flux. You're fucking in the flux. It's the place to be for you. You got the skills, you're primed to succeed in the flux. It's kind of like the episode Well, no, it's not like that. Yeah, forget about that. As long as you're in the flux, make the most of it. Doesn't matter if you have to leave LA, I will miss you. I can't leave. I'm the guy right here right now. Those limitations allow me to have these kind of low-swinging opinions. I like to think it's of some use, but I wouldn't know what to do outside of this context. You're on your own. I would just hold you back. You gotta get out there and play with others. Play well. I wanna hear some least-breaking orgasms in the wake of your travels.
Speaker 1:Don't care how far you go from LA. I wanna hear it. And have a good time, regardless you from LA. I want to hear it and have a good time regardless. You might as well. Whatever you're doing, there's a way to have a good time with it. I would take that way. If you can find it, you usually can. It's usually one of the easier paths, one of the sometimes more intuitive ones, at least pretty obvious that you can relax. Relax, breathe and perceive, have a good time. It beats the alternative.
Speaker 3:K-Chunk, Los Angeles, 1630 AM. K-chunk radioorg Emerson Dameron's Medicated Minutes, LA Number One Event Guard Personal Development Program, Home of the first church of the satanic Buddha. And fight sized erotic thrillers. Improve yourself before everybody else does. That's kinky.
Speaker 4:Levity saves lives. Los Angeles is a mirage, a city constructed from the slurred speech of studio execs who've convinced themselves they understand myth because they've cut deals over four-quadrant reboots. It's an Ouroboros of sun-kissed self-erasure, a fever dream, so hot it softens your bones until you forget what it was like to stand upright. I arrived on a Tuesday, met a man named Clive, who wasn't named Clive at all, but whose real name was some unpronounceable jawbreaker of letters, consonants thrown together like a script option, then stranded in turnaround. He said he had a house in the hills, which turned out to be a minimalist compound in Cahuenga Pass, filled with furniture that makes you wonder whether sitting is even allowed. He offered me cocaine so pure I thought I'd transcended linear time. Then came the ketamine, a chemical wrecking ball that left my body behind and let my soul do fractal ballet across a holographic soundstage where every scene was shot with soft lighting and the laughter track had been Beckmask.
Speaker 4:By Thursday I'd been cast in three different music videos for bands I'd never heard of all named something aggressively, one word sheath or grief or something that sounds like a fragrance by Tom Ford. The directors all wore sunglasses. Indoors, all spoke as if narrating their own biopics. I want it raw but polished, think 70s porn, but make it existential. I nodded and swayed like a girl who'd been mainlining glamour and had just realised it was cut with formaldehyde and not very good formaldehyde. Then there was the party in a high-rise downtown, a penthouse with floor-to-ceiling windows that made the city look like the burning ant farm it so desperately wanted to become the host.
Speaker 4:Some libertine capital C, creative with the handshake of a strangler, fed me oysters, slipped his hand around my waist and murmured You're trouble, aren't you? I laughed, which in this town means yes. The girl beside me, a model who said I identify as light, giggled and whispered you're so totally his type girl. I wasn't sure if that was a warning or an invitation, but by the end of the night I was in the back of his rolls, biting the inside of my cheek as he ran his eerily slender fingers over my necklace like it was a religious artifact. Then he rattled on about polyamory while I performed fellatio, careful to suck it well enough that he'd finish quickly, but not so well that he would embarrass me on Instagram. I woke up somewhere in Malibu, not in a house, but in a guest house behind a house, a place that felt less like a home and more like a purgatory, designed for a specific stand-up comedian. The furniture was too white, the air too curated. There was a note on the nightstand that just said.
Speaker 2:Keep it vague babe.
Speaker 4:X. I had no idea what it meant, but I felt I had already complied Somewhere along the way. I lost a beautiful pair of shoes, gained a leather jacket that wasn't mine but is now, and collected three different life stories from each of two men with stubborn, chemically induced erections who swore they could make me famous. They spoke in a hypnotic patois of self-importance, as if their souls had been smuggled out of their bodies and replaced with a podcast about peak performance mindset or some such nonsense, which sadly does little to alleviate performance anxiety or so.
Speaker 2:I'm told.
Speaker 4:By the time I left I felt Los Angeles had done something to me, bent me over, rearranged my insides down to the molecules, taken me in the way men in this city take women, not with hunger, but with a bored sense of inevitability.
Speaker 4:It had been used, degraded, spun out and spat back, but none of it stuck, none of it could. The trick of LA, darling, is that nothing feels real enough to wound you, not properly, not deeply, it just glances off the surface like a skipping stone, leaving ripples never sinking. On the flight home, I marveled at the desert below a sprawling wasteland that looked more honest than the city built on top of it. I thought about the man who whispered in my ear as he pressed my face into something expensive, telling me I was beautiful, so beautiful, so beautiful. Something expensive, telling me I was beautiful, so beautiful, so beautiful. And the way I had smiled, not because I believed him but because I knew he believed himself. Los Angeles is a mirage, a place where nothing happens and yet everything does simultaneously, a city of hungry ghosts who don't know they're dead and haven't really read Ernest Becker. And I'll be back, of course, because I always am. Thank you.
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